the end of the month/era

Seems like at the beginning of August, I thought the month would go by fast, but now that it's the last day, in hindsight, it seemed to take a long time to get to this point. Somewhere in the middle, things just took a slow turn and the days just dragged on. Perhaps the start of the fall semester played a role in the "time change" somehow. Even Tad's departure seems like more time's passed since. That means that a lot of things happened during the month, right?

Today it finally hit me that it's the "end of an era" for a lot of things, well mostly stuff at work, really:

1. Today served as the last day for several student workers in our department. They'll go on to bigger and better things I'm sure. So just wanted to give some shout outs to:
Sakomi Shiru
Kajeri Cruz
Don L.

2. Another student turned 21, Happy Birthday Strawberry Girl! You're no longer a minor.

3. The interim vp's last day at the post; the new one starts on Sept. 1

4. Yogurt's last day at the hut today.

Not work related:
5. Roomie's aunt passed away today, due to cancer. He and his mom went up to Seattle yesterday to spend some last moments with her.

6. Of course that whole Katrina thing. It's so shocking to see the images of the damage. I never imagined things would look like that...unbelievable.

Many endings today, feels strange.

love is everything

I'm in a weird mood this morning...stressed out, then I listened to a song and it took me away.

One of the songs that Ellen Greene sang during Fire & Ice on Saturday night was a song called "Love is Everything," written and originally sung by Jane Siberry. A skater used the song to skate to; the last number of the evening. I heard k.d. lang's version last year when Bancy let me borrow a teaser cd of k.d.'s album. The teaser featured two songs, "Love is Everything," and "After the Gold Rush," by Neil Young. I liked both songs, especially the former. Even though I like the song, I'd only listen to it when my iPod cycles back to it. Hearing Ellen's version during the show got me more interested in the song, and even more when Roomie and I listened to her cd we bought right after the show.

So move over "All These Things That I've Done," there's another song I'm in love with right now.

don't know why...just because

It's 7pm and I'm still at work because I go to school on Fridays from 11am-6pm with an hour-long lunch break. I must make up some hours by working several nine hour days during the week. Well technically now I'm off the clock, and am using my laptop to post this and I'm actually not in my building anymore. Yeah, that's right, I'm writing this post at the school library, wink wink (People magazine article on fired bloggers).

I planned on jogging after work, but my stomach's given me such problems since yesterday afternoon when I ate whatever I could find in my empty refrigerator and "pantry." I convinced myself of going to Trader Joe's because it's gnocchi day on Monday, that's what you eat on the 29th of every month, according to a Brazilian tradition. I felt like splurging on junk food, that's what you eat when you're broke/poor, right? I got a bag of popcorn, tortilla chips, cranberry/blueberry/mango bran muffins (they taste amazingly good), gnocchi, and marinara sauce.

As soon as I get home, I open up the bag of chips and scarf down a few, excuse me, almost half the bag with leftover mango salsa and some other salsa with corn. After that, I also take "bites" from the muffins and also, half a bag of the popcorn. (Earlier in the day, I ate somewhat expired Filipino packaged desserts: fried bananas with that glazed/caramelized sauce, and otap) Almost immediately, I feel the wrath of my stomach, starting off with some "careless whispers" all night, and today, poor me suffered a great deal.

After all that, it was really lucky that Bancy, Sakomi and I ate lunch at Nordie's Cafe. Bancy and I carried some issues with us on the way to lunch, but the delicious food helped us to forget that she suffered major crankiness, and that I suffered from my stomach issues. My stomach and me "quarrel" all the time. I'm glad we pulled together because Sakomi's last day at the office approaches quickly: Wednesday.

So I'll bypass the jogging today, and concentrate on making myself better. Plus I'm really not feeling it right now.

skate out

Roomie and I watched "Fire & Ice," a figure skating show fundraiser to benefit the API Wellness Center held at the Yerba Buena Ice Skating Center on Saturday night. We ran into old friends and enjoyed the show. Big headliners like Surya Bonaly, Caryn Kadavy, Rudy Galindo, Rohene Ward and vocalist Ellen Greene, along with local skating talents provided the crowd-pleasing performances.

I ran into Caryn Kadavy during the intermission, and got a snapshot with her. Like always, I never know what to say to people I admire from afar when I actually get up close and am presented with the opportunity to speak with them. The only problem is, I get a little "star-struck," so the weirdest things always come out of my mouth, all with good intentions, of course. I feel like I only have so much/little amount of time with them and I get flustered. So, to Caryn, I said something like, "Oh, I've been such a fan for so long...it's great that you're here...GOOD LUCK TONIGHT!" On my way back to my seat, I thought to myself, "Umm heelloo, you're supposed to say 'BREAK A LEG' instead of good luck!" I did my best to put the incident behind me and enjoyed the rest of the show, waiting for Caryn to come out and skate her routine.

Meanwhile, the show so far is really entertaining and exciting. Surya Bonaly brought down the house with her sheer athletic ability and pizzazz. She really does have a presence when she steps out on to the ice; she's a very unique skater indeed, very special. She skated her first number to "One Day I'll Fly Away" by Nicole Kidman, and then later on, to "I Will Survive;" both skates featured a triple salchow and triple to loop, and the ever-popular backflip! Roomie and I provided color commentary about the skating/skaters to each other. I mentioned to him what I said to Caryn, and he told me to not worry about it. So then finally Caryn comes on to the ice for her number to "Anyone Who Had a Heart." She starts out real nice and flowy, graceful--her trademarks. Then she takes off for her double axel, and wham! A hard fall to the ice, the hardest one we saw that night, but she managed to go on with the rest of her program. All along I kept thinking that the fall was my fault that she fell. Oh how I'm gonna live with that for a long time. Roomie told me to not go up to her after the show and apologize, but SORRY CARYN!!!!! I still think you're a class act.

After the show, we ran into more friends, took more pics with them and the other stars of the show. When we finally left the building, Roomie wanted to go for a drive through downtown because he misses San Francisco a lot. We drove by Union Square, Embarcadero, North Beach, Nob Hill, by his former apartments in Pac Heights and Japantown, then we both felt sleepy and went home.

you know plainly, there are no original thoughts these days

...like the title, which i "borrowed" from Ashley.

i'm tired of looking at these poser pictures of rock groups/bands commonly featured in music/entertainment magazines. you know the pose, some members look into the camera, others look elsewhere. it's such a tired concept. i mean come on, if y'all consider yourselves "artists," albeit for pop entertainment, at least come up with some interesting way of presenting yourselves. but i guess you can't really count on the pop establishment/recording industry for reinventing the wheel. everyone wants to cash in on the next big thing and follow the trends. everything's so sugar-coated and sweet and safe, blase blase. i guess another thing is that posing isn't their "forte," but singing and playing instruments is. that makes sense. then it's the photographers' fault. damn you photographers!

and what's up with these music videos, why spend millions of dollars just to produce a boring shot of the band/"artist" standing there in front of a mic, pretending that you're singing live? why not make a mini movie instead? make the visual aspect of the song something that catches my eye?

dinner with LaraGitara

It's Wednesday morning and I'm a wee bit hung over. Totally my fault because I didn't drink enough water to counter the two glasses of white wine I drank during my visit with LG, and yah, I'm a total lightweight nowadays.

I thoroughly enjoyed seeing LG and her family again; we couldn't decide when our last encounter occurred. I recall January 2004, but now that I think about it, could it be Jan. 03? Anycrane, she still looks amazing, R looks good as well, and my how her kids grew! Juju seemed to grow the most, since she's the youngest and all; I remember her as the quiet one, but her energy burst out of the seams last night, and then some.

They served salmon and beef, both delish. I brought romaine lettuce and grape tomatoes for salad, and fudge brownie for dessert. My buzz during dinner relaxed me a great deal, a good thing because I felt quite tense beforehand, since it's the first time to get together with them after a long period. I'm also glad we stayed in as my funding situation at the moment doesn't allow for eating out. LG expressed a similar situation, and I felt such a relief that I wasn't alone in this.

All in all, I really enjoyed my time with the LG's, we talked about so many things: catching up, the d word, real estate, dance, ek ek; I'm still hungover, so I can't articulate all the things I want to say.

i'm crazy as is

...thanks to Ashley for letting me use that title. Ashley's known for great one-liners, so-called punchlines; yup, he makes me laugh. We chatted on the phone for about 40 minutes today...and it seemed like only five minutes, now that's what I call a good convo. And thank goodness for the coffee he drank, because we laughed it up...I'm glad Ashley's mood today allowed us to enjoy such moments. The convo consisted of some fluff, some "news" about folks, how we both don't like our job, reminiscing about fun times, and Ashley's parallel "love" life with a friend of his.
*
I drove home for lunch today and parked on the street, in front of the house next door vacated by a family about a month ago. While I parked, I noticed a rodent underneath the van parked in front of me running around in circles like a dog does when chasing its tail. The rodent caught my eye because of its unusual behaviour, and it also fell on its back after failing to climb up the slope from the street to the sidewalk. (In most of Daly City, I notice that curbs don't have a sharp edge to them, but curved edges instead)
I took a closer look at the little guy, and it didn't look like a mouse, but more like miniature guinea pig, I guess, I don't know the rodent family. All I could think of for its weird behaviour was poison/drugs. I thought about Drama Queen's Kobi getting stoned, but this little guy seemed doomed, because when I left to go back to work, it lay still hunched over on itself.
I told Bancy about it when I came back to work, and she got all upset at me because I didn't call her so she could call animal control. I hope "Hermie" survived the afternoon and is safe now, or put out of his/her misery, but not by getting run over by a car.

more of the weekend

Sunday wound up pretty lazy compared to Saturday. Roomie and I both just lounged around through the morning, doing our own thing. I left Elk Grove at 3pm, around the time when westbound HWY 80 starts to get real nasty, as all the peepz from Tahoe and up north head back down to the Bay Area. Again, thank goodness for my iPod music to distract me from the madness of commuting. I also thought I'd get a chance to show Pastris a tape of Yuridia during the Gran Finale of "La Academia," but she went out of town and got back around the time when I left.

My sister from Arizona came this weekend to visit, so we had a gathering at my other sister's home in American Canyon...good food, and even better dessert: ice cream, cake, watermelon. I took a side trip to Costco for some gas, and found out that the new on-ramp to HWY 37 finally opened. Wow, that new freeway structure sure saves a lot of time getting around the area.

A few weeks ago, I bought a dvd set of "South Park, season 2" for $11.95 at Rasputin's. What an amazing price, right? For some weird reason, items that I buy from any Rasputin's always turns out with some weird circumstance, like I wind up not liking a cd or dvd, or this time around, the third dvd out of three discs isn't a South Park disc, but the movie "Spaceballs!" So I go to return the dvd, but they have to give me store credit and take the whole thing back, rather than just getting me the third disc from another set. So I got bummed out, because the other used South Park season 2 they have sells for over $20. So I gave up on that and am now stuck with a store credit of $12 and change because I couldn't find anything that I wanted and then the store closed for the day.

desires

I chatted with Roomie while he perused my album from my European adventures back in 1991. I expressed my desire to travel again, in the same capacity as I did when I was 19: no debts, no real reason to come back except for my family, and the feeling of "freedom." He said I can probably do that after I finish with my degree...two years from now...sigh...such a long time from now. That's what I get for only going part time and enslaving myself to paying off credit card debts. Yep, I've made tons of mistakes and am definitely paying for them now.

So I may take two months off for just traveling, in summer 2007. Perhaps I'll find a place where Roomie and I can settle/live in for some time. Who knows.

the weekend so far...

I can't believe how I productive this weekend's turned out so far:

1. I ran TWO miles after work Friday night on the SFSU track. Talk about stoked, that'd be me! I didn't think I could do it so soon, with the tender left foot and all, but I "saw things," kinda like how you see things with cloud formations as I ran. On the backstraight, I always look up at one part of a branch from a tall pine tree, and on this occasion, I saw a "bear" that at first I thought laughed (at me?), but later on, its hand/paw gesture gave me like a thumbs up or something else encouraging. Pat on the back for me anyway for doing the two mile thing.

2. Although my trip to Elk Grove got delayed because Bancy, who didn't come to work Friday, did however pick up her Gwen Stefani CD that I made for her. Girlfriend had drinks at Martuni's with some people, and somehow made it over to my place. I did my best to not allow her to drive home because it seemed like she acted a little "too loose/relaxed," so my concern for her safety and those of others on HWY 280 kicked in. I made her eat a banana, I made her watch Sanya Richards run a great 48.92 seconds over 400 meters by beating Tonique Darling in the Zurich race, anything to prolong her from driving home, but she somehow convinced me that she felt ok to drive. She made it home safely.

3. I finally started my drive to Elk Grove at 10pm after packing everything that I planned to take with me. The drive went very well. The steady pace and me relaxing by singing along to songs blasting from my iPod "enhanced" the experience, especially after the bitterness of the last time I came up here. I arrived around 11:40pm and started my first of four loads of laundry, read/caught up with some other folks' blogs, and went to bed around 1am. I still felt energetic because of my high from the run earlier in the evening.

4. Got up at around 8:45am this morning, ate cereal, did more laundry, and started unpacking and rearranging my room here in EG. Accomplishing the cleanup felt sooo good. I mean I moved half of my stuff up here way back in June, when I moved the other half to Daly City, so it's been a long time coming.

5. The main reason I came up here this weekend was because Roomie hosted a small family get-together with some of his siblings and their family. In the very beginning, Roomie showed a rare side of himself upon his discovery of a faulty order from Max's Fried Chicken. First they got his order wrong, or something, then when he got home, it turned out that they didn't give enough pancit. He ordered a size for eight people, but it only could really feed one, or three, with small portions. As he left the front door, the first guests arrived, so he couldn't really leave, I mean a few months passed since they last saw each other, so he seemed like a bird without a head. I offered to order and go pick up the food, because boyfriend was all flustered. I made fun of him later on when he relaxed...it was fun!

I got buzzed from some wine; it didn't take much since I'm such a lightweight nowadays. I needed to relax for sure because I'm always tense when I hang out with his family folk. I even smoked some Newports with his bro-in-law. The merienda turned out well. The little kids entertained the adults with their cuteness.

And now, dessert time!

grace period

I think landlords should allow for a grace period of whether you wish to sign a lease for an apartment or even buy a home! The practice of signing your whole year for a place that you're supposed to call home without really knowing how the experience of living in the space simply is ridiculous. How could a tenant know that the water drastically switches temperature from freezing cold to boiling hot almost every morning while taking a shower? Or that the neighborhood is actually in the middle of a gang war zone? Or that the two small kids next door run screaming out their door at 6am on weekdays to wake you up because of the thin walls and extra space around the front door? Or that the heavy-footed neighbors upstairs pound their way down the stairs? How can you tell all these things from a meeting that lasts minutes to check out the apartment in the middle of a weekday? They won't say any of these things because how would they rent out the tiny studio apartment? Stores let you fit clothes before buying, a similar practice for renting or buying homes should also exist!

tuesday, wait, wednesday night recap

For some reason, I kept thinking today is Tuesday. Anyway, I'm in a race against time as it's 10 minutes past my desired bedtime of 11:30pm, but I feel like I should do this blog.
*
I wound up driving my officemate Tad to the BART station because he gathered up all his belongings to take home with him. Why he didn't take stuff home little by little the last few days of his time at the office, we both didn't know why. Anyway, I got to send him off with a special favor, so that felt good. Poor guy would have had to catch a Muni bus to Daly City Bart, Bart to Richmond, and Amtrak to Sacramento, which is a 1 1/2 hour ride people! We eliminated the Muni trek, because he carried four bags of his stuff, and some of them weighed a lot. I gave him his parting gift of SFSU souvenirs right before we left.
*
I went back to work and thank goodness got some sleep...if my boss might somehow read this, the "nap" only took five minutes of my time. I get two breaks during the day anyway, so that's part of my break. The nap saved my running plans because Bancy convinced me to not run since I complained most of the afternoon that I crashed, my energy went down some drain somewhere. I did still feel tired when we walked out the door, but a hot minute later, when I saw all those people running along the Lake Merced path, I drove back to the office to change to my running clothes. It wasn't guilt or anything like that, maybe courage to just "Do It?" The 1.5 mile run went ok, albeit I felt some slight pain on the ball of my left foot, reminiscent of one of the injuries I endured when I trained for the marathon a few years back.
*
Didn't get to read tonight, but did talk to Andalu on the phone for about an hour. That guy can chat you up, good thing he's got interesting things to say. And then my classmate IQRunner IM'ed me, so catching up with folks, part of this week's game plan...it's a good thing.

convo w/Ashley

ME:
...my quads are sore from running 1.5 miles yesterday. now i'm starting to yawn coz i'm ty-red.
ASHLEY:
yeah....i guess we're in the same boat...well...now you can sleep when you get home to your incense ridden home.
ME:
i'm gonna have to catch some zzz's or at least a z while i'm at work, coz i gots to run after work.
ASHLEY:
or just read ur blog...that will make u fall asleep....buwahahahahahha..jk....i love reading ur tall tale stories...and don't forget to mention me...!!!!

sigh

Today is my office roommate's last day. Both he and his wife got a job way up in Sacramento. He's the best person I've shared an office with, he's totally chill, quiet, didn't talk that much, but when we did talk, the conversations always felt pleasant. I want to express how I feel more than just saying "bye, have a good life; good luck" or some other hokey expression. I didn't feel like this for most other folks who've left from our office, but with Tad, it's different. We weren't that close at all, but I feel connected to him simply because he's such a nice guy and I really liked him for the reasons above. Bancy just suggested to give him something from the bookstore so it's both a memento from me and the university; what a brilliant idea!

thought garbage

I'm in love with the song from The Killers called "All These Things That I've Done." There's something about the sound and the lead singer's voice that takes me to another place, just on this particular song. I'll probably get so sick of this song soon enough though, as everytime I get in the car, I play it, over and over and over. The video looks great, saw it for the first time last night; he's not wearing all that make-up.
I first heard the song late last week, and then heard it again on my iPod when Roomie and I drove to Marin Headlands on Sunday. At first I didn't know the name of the song, and I set the iPod to play all the songs in alphabetical order, so when it played, I felt such a happy surprise. I'm sure Roomie was glad that I only repeated it once, because unlike the songs from "La Academia" by Yuridia, et al., I couldn't stop playing them over and over and over.
*
Bancy forwarded me an article about a blog called "Post Secret," it's interesting how all those people all over the world "share" their secrets anonymously to the rest of the world, so they're still secrets then...some are really powerful.
*
Seems like I won't have time to finish the two books I wanted to finish before school starts: Po Bronson's "What Should I Do With My Life," and David Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty One Day," because another part of my plan before school starts was to hook up with as many friends as I can. I got a couple of bites for folks to get together, so really, when you're a social butterfly (as if, yeah right, keep dreaming, who you foolin'?), how can you find time to read?

sweet dreams

Over the weekend, I hounded Roomie to buy me a new VHS/DVD recorder from Costco so we can transfer our tapes to DVD. He said he'll get it for Christmas, but I was really excited and wanted it on Saturday, but he still resisted. So I came up with a great idea: since he usually falls asleep before I do, I should just talk to him while he sleeps. It's a brilliant idea where I whisper in his ear, "You're gonna get me a VCR/DVD recorder from Costco." It's all subliminal/brainwashing/hypnotizing techniques while he sleeps so he'll get trained. Well the weekend's over and unfortunately I forgot to follow through with my plans, and lo and behold, I've got no new DVD recorder. Well there's always next weekend, who knows, by then I may have other things to whisper in his ear, like a new laptop, some clothes, you know fun stuff like that. We'll see if it works, bwhahahahahahaha.

oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

Ashley introduced me to "Andalu" a few months ago over the phone. They hung out while I called Ashley and put Andalu on the phone with me. I'm generally very shy when meeting new people, but we managed to converse and keep ourselves entertained for a few minutes. Ashley kept insisting that I meet Andalu because he said we'd get along, so Ashley exchanged our phone numbers. So one day Andalu called me and we got to talking. I remember Ashley mentioning that Andalu was straight, but I figured he's in "transition," because why would a straight dude hang with Ashley, right? Andalu talks and sounds "gay" on the phone but he kept talking about going on friendster and myspace to meet/date girls. At this point, I figured that he probably really was straight but didn't know he was gay yet, or was really trying too hard to be straight.

So Andalu and I finally met in person last Friday night, we ate at El Farolito (yummy, total grub. order the quesadilla suiza!) on Mission St by 24th St. In person, he acts like the way he speaks, a smidge of effeminate, a little bit like a gay. He's a super nice guy, and he invited a friend named Will to join us at the restaurant. I find out a little later that Will is gay. So I'm really confused now. Why does Andalu know all these gay people? I get my answer via a couple of phone conversations with him later that night and also on Sunday night.

It's a sad story really. You gotta feel for someone who's misunderstood. He sometimes gets rejected by girls because they think he's gay! On the other hand, guys cruise and hit on him all the time...oh the irony! He understands why women distrust of men, because guys are pigs; he's experienced men's aggressive advances first-hand. The experience also gives him the upper hand on how to respect and treat women, but alas, it seems that women don't understand him as well; It's a vicious cycle.

Another thing he pointed out is that he sometimes needs to "butch it up" when he's with a bunch of straight guys in order to "fit in." Sigh, I know that feeling all too well. The whole situation just seems so bizarre to me. I've never met anyone with a story like Andalu's, but I truly think that the right girl is out there for him. Someone who likes Star Trek or Spiderman, someone who appreciates the fact that he speaks five languages including spanish, japanese, tagalog, etc., listens to hip hop...myspace, friendster

Yeah, I"m sure he sets off many people's gaydar, but now I'm thinking that perhaps there are more people like him out there, hmmm, come to think of it...

life of an issue kween

Roomie gave me yet another new nickname this weekend. We already have the Life of a Drama Queen, and so let me introduce myself, the supposed "issue kween." Roomie says that I make issues out everything, like every five minutes. I say I'm just misunderstood. I mean, what if my iPod's battery is running low and that it's not lasting as long after every charge? Or that I don't have food in the fridge, or that my energy level all day Saturday was low?

Anyway, I've finally started reading more of my friends' blogs, starting from their earliest and working my way to recent posts. I recently re-connected with LaraGitara, who I haven't seen or talked with in a long while and the events in her life blew me away (I finished reading the first two entries in July 05 so far in her archives). My goodness, and here I am complaining about such minor issues in my wannabe life. Gotta give her props; I just have so much more respect for a woman like that: a survivor.

Sure my issues of self-loathing, low self-esteem, low self-worth are still ever present, it can't compare to real depression, I guess. I also never really received positive affirmations or the like, as my whole being was "wrong:" physical issues, sexuality issues, and not knowing or experiencing positives and folks who taught me how to love myself really screwed me over. My sister-in-law "Fancy" said that maybe I suffered from mild derpression a few years back. There was a period of about five years starting in 1998, when I felt no motivation or goals to accomplish; I felt stale and stagnant, wasting away, going through life just to go through it. Thank goodness for Pastris to "force" me to go back to school and finally finish my degree, now there's a goal for me to work toward and keep myself occupied.

Aaack, enough already.

sandhya

I think I found my long-lost twin: Sandhya! Her blog posts totally capture my attention for some reason, maybe because she's expressing some of my sentiments, like this one regarding Kaiser, or just her whacky stories here and there. She's also a photographer! There's also a picture of her in that site.

Well maybe "twin" is a little extreme, because she's a republican after all, and she's probably not as krazy as I am, lol. But I wonder what she's like in person. Don't get me wrong, I'm no stalker or anything, but I've just gone back to her blog several times, catching up on all her posts; I find them entertaining so far. Oh if only I could articulate my displeasure with the healthcare system, the government, the MAN, the capitalist pigs that run this country and most of the world for that matter, I'm set. I'll make my attempt soon enough though. Sometimes it's just hard to put into words what I'm thinking.

Well, she actually reminds me more of Ashley, seems like they have the same personality, from what I read or sense...or maybe it's just the way they both make me feel. They both make me laugh, so far.

tgif!

My last Intro. to CAD class for the summer session ended last night; what a relief! We did an in-class final CAD project and a few moments crept up where I thought I'd panic for sure because of the time restrictions and a classmate pointed out a couple of errors on my printout; we checked each other's work. He's a cool guy, laid back, really tall; he's from Turkmenistan. He's the first person I ever met from that country. At the beginning of the semester I asked him if he was Jakey-Jake's brother.

After class, my Roommate (who came down for a long weekend), his co-worker/friend and his partner (both also from Sacto), and I were supposed to celebrate at "Pan Dulce" at the Cafe, but I secretly just wanted to stay home, being the homebody that I am. So much to my sweet relief, Roommate said that the whole Cafe thing wasn't happening because the other two went home on their long drive, or something like that. Anyhaze, my reaction included fist pumping and "YES!'s." Couldn't really tell Roomie's reaction to my reaction. I saw some confusion, surprise, content, shock, disappointment, and relief painted on his face. Throughout the rest of the evening, and seeing how I really wanted to stay home, he jokingly kept threatening me that indeed we were going out. The joke kinda got old after a while though. But hey, I got a lot of things accomplished like: cleaning the tub, washing dishes, cutting up the watermelon and making melon balls, eating dinner, and best of all, getting to watch some of the coverage from the track and field championships!

I asked Roomie to buy me a new VCR/DVD recorder from Costco this weekend. I wonder if he will? Newer VCRS just don't last as long as the older ones. What went wrong with technology? But I'm so ready to venture on to the whole DVD recording phase, even if that technology is still somewhat new to the market, it's exciting! And a lot of my video tapes got moldy after just sitting there, especially at our old place in Parkmerced; too much cold and damp weather there.

So I now have a week and a half before fall semester starts. Things that I want to do: read "Me Talk Pretty One Day," by David Sedaris; start jogging after work; read more of Che Guevara; and hooking up with friends to play catch-up.

"there's a hole in my soul"

I'm feeling a little "down" today. I'm tired, or as Ashley would say, ty-red. A bit sad that Nikola went home; I really felt glad that I got spend some good ol' quality time with her, because as Pastris said, me "going outside" with her will "add a whole new level of trust and openess to [our] relationship." I'm also glad that I got spend the last hour with her before she boarded her plane, albeit most of that time included airport/travel related stress. They let me escort her to the gate since she's a minor.

When I was about 8-11, Nikola's mother, my sister, joined the US Army right after arriving here in the US, so she wasn't around much. She got stationed in other parts of the country, to South Korea, Germany, etc. I remember with some sadness still that after she'd visit for a few days from her tour of duties or whatever, that every time she'd leave and go back again, I would cry for days and days. I'd go through bouts of "depression" and would hide it from my family as much as possible. I couldn't explain or expose my sadness to them; I felt that I had to act strong or suppress the feeling of sadness. I never thought about how the rest of my siblings felt. It seemed like they always had something better to do than dwell on the sad stuff.

Geez, I can't remember when the last time was since I had a really good cry...I feel so jaded now though, I do however do some "fake" crying. I mean watching movies or reading about sappy stories, watching athletes win in Olympics and such. But that's not real.

"...Feel the home that I live in.
’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.
...There’s a hole in my soul,
You can see it in my face, it’s a real big place."

blogs

I "blog-surfed" just now and read some random blog by Sandhya and thought some of her posts were hilarious. Anyway, I started laughing out loud while reading. I'm crashing, so that woke me up a little bit. Sandhya's stories and writing style makes me think that if Ashley did a blog, his might read similar. Ashley's one of those with great comic timing, and he's pretty witty. There Ashley, does that immortalize you now?

Goodbye, USA! Thanks for the memories.

My desire to live in either Paris or London gained more support two nights ago when my sister asked: "Why don't you go live in Europe somewhere?" The question came up after I mentioned my upcoming winter break trip at the end of this year to Dublin, Luzern, and hopefully Paris. Her desire for me to live in Europe was so they could have a reason to visit Europe and have a place to stay, lol.

Several factors in recent years brought on my own desire to relocate to Europe: 1. healthcare, 2. better schooling for the kids (as if, right? I mean Madonna raves on and on about that), I honestly can't remember the other reasons at the moment.

Also, at a recent staff meeting, when colleagues announced their vacation schedules, I reminisced about my experiences way back in 1991, traveling alone within a span of six months in western Europe. The fact that school, lack of funds, the ever increasing madness at work, and saving up all my vacation time for December/January gave me an even bigger craving to get away. Ah, sweet FREEDOM to travel, how you elude me.

I'm undecided about where I'd really like to live. I prefer Paris; I always felt comfortable there, had great experiences. London is only a choice because of the whole language thing. I really didn't like it there when I visited. Plus, I think their athletes are so much more obnoxious even than the Americans...hello, 4x100 men's relay squad?

My roommate's brother and wife live in Ireland, his sister's going for her masters degree in London, his uncle lives in Madrid, so he won't feel alone. I'd sorely miss my family though. Lots to think about for sure.

untitled

"got any weed?" ... "did you bring weed?"

is that all you have to say to me? am i your weed messiah now? is there nothing else we can talk about besides weed and your need for it and your desire for it? is that all i am to you now? i don't have any. talk about creating a monster. i thought i was cool too, but this has gone too far. i can't respect you anymore, not while you're like this. i'm sad now, i don't like the way this situation turned out. i can't wait for you to grow up; i can't wait for you to get out of this phase. i don't know what to believe about you anymore. if only a script existed like those afternoon specials, but we're not like that. like they say, you learn from your mistakes, and you pay from your mistakes, heaven knows i'm still paying for mine. i don't want to regress. true sadness fills my heart...again, coz "you break my heart, but then again, you break everyone's heart."

competitive fire challenge

Is there a "changing of the guard" with me and my roommate? I'm talking about competitive sporting activities here. When we went bowling with my niece Saturday night, he beat me two out of three games, however, I did come out with the top score of the evening, a "modest" 120. I started the evening slow with a 62, then 120, and I can't remember the last score; it was either 92 or 103(?). I believe roommate scored above 100 on his last two games, and Nikola (my niece, formerly known as BIKI in this blog) scores got worse the last two games due to a finger injury.

Yeah, roommate rubbed his 2 out 3 wins in my face the rest of the evening, calling me Eunice Barber to his Carolina Kluft. I suffered from shock most of the time, because between the two of us, "he's the brain, and I'm the brawn." I mean he graduated MAGNA CUM LAUDE from UC BERKELEY (talk about a shout out), and you know, I can fix a flat tire and run in 5K and 10K races, and finished the 2002 Honululu Marathon, haha. Plus I'm taller, younger and more ______, really. :-0 joke lang, pare! But I think I just had an off night, and the last time I bowled was 10 years ago; also, Giliginich are known as good bowlers, and you know he's more giliginich than I am. Another factor for sure is the fact that he's gone to work out consistently while schoolwork dominates my spare time. So a rematch should happen soon, either in the bowling alley, or on the track, for a 400 meter race! It'll be a classic duel!

to Ashley!

...goes the Impromptu Award of Excellence in the Field of Outstanding Achievement in Spirited Valley-Gurl Blog Readings without Rehearsal! Congratulations Ashley! Hilary Swank better watch out!

Whew, Ashley and I just got off the phone and let me tell you that he gave my blog entry "monday morning thought garbage" a brand new spin: Valley Girl. Oh if only I had the capability to record that phone convo. Totally turned my morning around, after a depressing convo with my dentist's office. They want me to pay $276 for a freakin' crown, and around $1K to replace a bridge. Talk about highway robbery. I guess that's how much these things cost...stay tuned for a blog where I go off on "the MAN" and "his" enslavement of us poor folk!

Anycrane, Pastris, you're right about posting someone's real name on here. That's so unlike me; I'll change it now to "Nilado Goniabeg" ;-)

And "La Camisa Negra" makes me wanna dance...oh I wanna dance with somebody, I wanna feel the heeeaaatttt...yeah..

monday morning thought garbage

OMG, I must apologize for any typos anyone catches, like Bancy! She's my spell checker; I mean how embarrassing!

Anyhoot, the 10th World Track and Field Championships started this weekend, and I just think it's so sad that U.S. media isn't giving it any coverage (I guess because of the steroid scandals. Whatever...hello, baseball?), but luckily there's a webcast available for the entire championships. The best coverage; it beats any kind of U.S. coverage anyway. Whatever, and no cheesy drama-queeny commentators, like Tom Hammond of NBC.

I hung out with my niece, the one visiting from Ohio. I took her to Golden Gate Bridge, and on way there, I officially "went outside ;-)" She already knew, and the news didn't faze her one bit. That was good, because things were normal. She and my roommate also met for the first time. She's a bit shy with "strangers," but after buying her shoes for her birthday in October, then bowling in Yerba Buena, and dessert at Japantown Denny's, she got more animated. She's flying back to Ohio on Wednesday, too bad I won't make it for her "despedida" Tuesday night because of class; I miss her already. She watche "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" twice this weekend.

GILIGINICH ALERT:
I had a dream, and I think it was some kind of form like "Nilado Goniabeg" (a well-known SFSU professor on Asian American Studies) who said the word "giliginich," and it shocked me because I thought, OMG, is that word well known now? I felt sad at the same time because the word is no longer low-key.

SHOUT OUTS:
To Miss Cruz, you keep on truckin, even though you're coming up to your last few weeks at SFSU.

To Ashley, for making me laugh even through all the physical pain.

La Camisa Negra

Because Bancy dragged me to Nordstrom Rack so she could buy some sandals or shoes during lunch today, I phone ordered food to go from Cafe Durango (top of the hill Daly City). I attempted the same thing yesterday, after my two-hour long dental visit which left me famished and extremely late going back to work. The woman who took my order said it'd take 15 minutes to prepare the food, so I cancelled my order. But when I place the same order today, she said 10 minutes, so I guess she learned her lesson about the time, and this was good for me.

When I got to Cafe Durango, the music that blared out from the speakers connected to the jukebox was a song called "La Camisa Negra." I know of the song because Edgar, one of the "alumno" sang it on La Academia. So while I waited for the server (this is the same woman that served Bancy and I back in "Spanish Fly," btw) to hand over the packed food, I nodded my head along with the infectious beat. She saw me get into the music, and then she sang along to the chorus "...Y casi pierdo hasta mi cama cama c'mon c'mon baby...". Then I asked her if she watched La Academia; she replied with yes, so I said something like: "yeah, that one guy sang this song on the show."

I told Bancy when I got back in the car that the woman "who-didn't-like-her" and I flirted. Of course her reaction was: disgust, and then pity for the server because if she did think I flirted with her, she got it all wrong ;-)

"if i ain't got you"

Wow, I'm listening to this amazing Alicia Keys song. It's been a while since I heard the song, and it sure brings back a ton of memories, and really just puts me in a "truly special place."

I find the sound of the song very unique, it's almost like a throwback to old old-school R & B, but of course possesses a very modern feel to it. (I really don't know musicology, so I won't even bother throwing in more technical terms re: musical forms, etc.) Then there's the video, which, aside from the dramatic aspects, takes me to another level because of her solo shots on the building roof playing the piano, singing at the steps with all the snow, and just the way it captures a feel of New York.

I associate the song with several people: 1. Pastris 2. Andelei 3. Jems

1. Pastris just came back from a month-long volunteer program in the Bahia region of Brazil...so welcome back! She returned a few days ago, and thought about how my former dance company Likha just flew down to Brazil for a dance festival in the same week.

Anyhaze, Pastris and I sang along to the song while driving; she'd use her deep monotone voice, and I'd attempt to sound like Alicia. Ah, the fun times.

2. I made Andelei re-play the song over and over this one time on his stereo when we hung out. He made a gesture with his finger, or hand simultaneously with the last deep stroke of the piano key.

3. Jems and I karaoke'd the song in Japantown as our DAI 425 classmates listened.

Bancy's twins

...for the curious-minded.

So this is what I'm talking about:


The black shirt doesn't show them off that well, but you get the idea.

True story: my computer actually crashed the first time I attempted to load the picture!

btw, I don't mean to offend anyone out there with the pic—it's to celebrate the female form! And for those pervs in the crowd, this ain't no porn site, we got kids reading this, lol.

fun morning

There were two things that made my morning fun: 1. Andrew (with my eyebrows) on "Sarah & NoName," 2. This article.

1. Andrew told a funny story about how his English instructor at Laney College mispelled the word "PUBLIC" so it read "PUBIC" on the board instead. His constant laughter while telling the story made the story even more funny.

Hearing his little story and me laughing like crazy in the car made coming to work bearable, especially since I (stupidly) stayed up almost til 1am last night because I watched several track & field races from last summer's Olympics on video tape. As a result, I got up from bed at 8:23am, and work starts at 9am. Amazingly, I was just about 10 minutes late!

2. My coworker Bancy sent the article via email with a caption asking: "you sure you'd want to be a girl? check out what my peeps have to say..."

You see, Bancy and I joked around several times about how if I were a girl, I'd look totally hot and beautiful and perfect (whatever that is, right?)...but that's if I got the same rack that she has; her twins look great!

Anycrane, she also calls me her "Jack to my Karen," for those familiar with the show "Will & Grace," but I always need to correct her by saying that I'm the "Karen to her Jack" instead. The only things I have missing are the excessive boozing and pill-popping, and of course a nice rack. How ironic, eh?

Medea: The Musical

OMG, I'm so bummed that I missed an opportunity to watch Medea: The Musical. I saw a show flyer on the wall in Bagdad Cafe, but I totally flaked on the date. This definitely is one of my favorite shows. I remember seeing it like around five or six times back in 1996 (this was also the time when my interest in theater was on the rise) with the original cast. The songs were funny; I still sometimes sing a few lines from one song based on Bette Midler's "The Rose." In the show, I believe Phaedra sings about how "...some say lust, for teenage boys, is disgusting..." and in the end, she "dreams of Bangladesh." Geez, I'm laughing as I write about it, mainly because the woman who played that character was sooo hee-larious, indeed! Her name was Kegan Stedwell.

Oh well, maybe the show will come back again.

Stella!

That show "Stella" on Tuesday nights at 10:30pm on Comedy Central is a hoot! I remember the three main cast members starring in a show called "The State," playing on MTV way back in 1994 I believe. Of course fans of that show will know that some castmembers of "Reno 911" also came from "The State." I wonder if they'll release "The State" on DVD sometime, as I can't find my VHS tape that contain all of its episodes :-(
I also remember seeing several castmembers at 1015 Folsom in 1995. (Can't remember what the club was called back then, but it was "a gay" night. Ironically, the only "gay" member of the show wasn't at the club that night.)

Just found out that "Drawn Together: Season One" is scheduled for release on October 4, according to amazon.com! Is this exciting news or what?!?!

the "eyebrows" have it

Talked on the phone with my friend Ashley this morning while both of us while at each other's work across town, and one of the topics covered was this guy named Andrew, who frequently guests on the "Sarah and No Name" radio show Thursday mornings at Alice, 97.3FM. I went to look for a picture of him because I've always been curious about what he looks like. He doesn't look at all like I thought, well mostly nobody looks the way they sound when you finally see them in person, or in this case, in photos, right? Ashley said what I thought: Andrew and I have similar eyebrows/forehead. I kinda felt warm inside; it's like finding a long-lost twin or something, haha, well maybe not that extreme...I was just really bored, and maybe you can tell, not much of a life these days.

Speaking of no life, my summer class resumed last night because our instructor was scheduled to return from his conference in China, but a guest t.a. said he couldn't catch an earlier flight. Anyway, I used the time to finish the homework that I neglected to work on during the week and a half the instructor went away.

Didn't stay until 9:45pm, our regular class end-time; I left at around 8pm, and performed another sage cleansing upon arriving home because I unnecessarily freaked myself out the night before, letting thoughts of a "strange energy" enter my mind. The "energy" had a face like the creepy old man from "Poltergeist 2." I really don't know what that's about...maybe I just need a nice long vacation!

photographs

Just found a site for one of my favorite photographers, Joan Cuenco. Check it out, she's done some amazing stuff!

call me...

I really feel like it's time to "change" my name again. I switched to "Paul" instead of the "R." right after graduating from high school back in the days of wine and roses. Different people call me by variations of Paul, like Pasha, Pavel, Pavi (all Russian), Pablo, Puto Pablo, Paulie, etc.

I still must keep the same initials: R.P.M.V., as all the kids in my family were named with first names that start with my dad's first letter of his first name, then the second name after my mom's first letter of her first name. Then of course M is for my mom's maiden name which all the kids use as middle name; it's a Giliginich thing, right? A variation of the spanish tradition. Now those folks have long names!

So what's a good name that starts with "P?" any suggestions?