life of an issue kween
Roomie gave me yet another new nickname this weekend. We already have the Life of a Drama Queen, and so let me introduce myself, the supposed "issue kween." Roomie says that I make issues out everything, like every five minutes. I say I'm just misunderstood. I mean, what if my iPod's battery is running low and that it's not lasting as long after every charge? Or that I don't have food in the fridge, or that my energy level all day Saturday was low?
Anyway, I've finally started reading more of my friends' blogs, starting from their earliest and working my way to recent posts. I recently re-connected with LaraGitara, who I haven't seen or talked with in a long while and the events in her life blew me away (I finished reading the first two entries in July 05 so far in her archives). My goodness, and here I am complaining about such minor issues in my wannabe life. Gotta give her props; I just have so much more respect for a woman like that: a survivor.
Sure my issues of self-loathing, low self-esteem, low self-worth are still ever present, it can't compare to real depression, I guess. I also never really received positive affirmations or the like, as my whole being was "wrong:" physical issues, sexuality issues, and not knowing or experiencing positives and folks who taught me how to love myself really screwed me over. My sister-in-law "Fancy" said that maybe I suffered from mild derpression a few years back. There was a period of about five years starting in 1998, when I felt no motivation or goals to accomplish; I felt stale and stagnant, wasting away, going through life just to go through it. Thank goodness for Pastris to "force" me to go back to school and finally finish my degree, now there's a goal for me to work toward and keep myself occupied.
Aaack, enough already.
posted by It's just me @ 12:13 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
giliginich!! it is time to go get some help and relief. here's something i discovered ... feeling low all the time, feeling low self-esteem, low self-worth, not liking yourelf... all those things... IS NOT NORMAL, and it's not okay!!! i felt that way about myself almost all my life, and i thought that's how everyone is and how it's supposed to be. i recently found out, i don't have to go through life suffering.
there's different kinds and levels of depression. there's the major episodes (where in people can not get out of bed for days, weeks, months) and think of death and have no desire to live. there's a kind of low level... called dysthimia wherein you function, but you have low energy, low self esteem, and this can last for up to 2 years. find out what you can about depression. it's a serious disease, and there's help.
check out this site:
http://www.depression.com/
there's also lots of literature out there. you are a talented, smart, handsome man with a good heart. don't suffer or hate yourself anymore. there are many ways to deal with depression... therapy, meds, exercise, change of lifestyle... but what is most important, is awareness.
thanks for the props. it's been a challenging journey to be sure.
LG, thanks for your support...the website is a great resource!
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