to dance or not to dance

Last Saturday evening, I saw my first Likha show since their 1992 10-year anniversary show (which I thought was the best ever).

Oh it was so great to run into old friends. I felt very happy.

Of course several people kept saying or asking when I'd come dance again. Some of them asked me that question ever since I left the group in 2000, but this time around, I might give it some serious thought.

You see, when I left, it was on the heels of the most horrible experience a performer could have. I fucked up so many times during the BIG annual show where my family and friends were in the audience. Also in the audience were people who knew how things were supposed to be, like former group members, other dancers from other companies, stage professionals, etc. And my mistakes were so visible because of the parts I played. I was so embarrassed. Maybe things happened the way they did because several months leading to the show, my "fire was extinguished" and I just didn't want to do it anymore.

I'm ashamed to say that that performance still haunts me to this day. I think of it often. I still haven't learned to let go. I vowed to someday "correct" my mistakes, but not speficically with Likha, but perhaps another similar vehicle. But I think the only way to face and beat my demons is to go back to "Ground Zero."

I think I'm almost at the place where I feel ready to dance again. School's winding down, and I'm planning to take several weeks vacation to the Philippines after graduation in December; I need a dose of my cultural roots again, so we'll see what time it is then.