you can't play with my yo-yo

Dealing with weight issues all your life totally sucks; going from fat, to thin, to borderline obesity, to somewhat thin, and back! I topped off with 213# at the beginning of 2004, then got inspired to do a modified Atkins/South Beach diet by my sis-in-law Fancy. She went through Atkins with favorable results, and so I thought that I can do that too. So around March '04, I didn't want to experience the dramatic weight loss the first two weeks by drastically changing my diet, so I slowly ate more meat and less and less rice, along with upping my fruit and veggie intake, all in an attempt to slowly introduce the "shock" of the new diet. My Holistic Health class at SFSU helped out quite a bit as well with visualizing the fat burning away. By the end of May, everyone said I lost a lot of weight, I looked like I was vanishing, I looked like Kate Moss, blase blase.

Looking back now, I did lose a lot of weight, according to the scale, the lowest I weighed after the new diet regime was 172#. Truly exciting! I went to buy new clothes, felt a lot more comfortable fashioning current clothing trends, etc.

Fast forward a few months later, into spring 2005, the temptation for sugar overwhelmed me and I let myself go again. I'd eat whole Just Desserts and Rubicon Bakery cakes from Costco all by myself, in the span of three-four days, sometimes I'd get a case of apple turnovers or danish; I went on an all-out assault.

So yeah, now my belt buckle slipped back a hole, my tops fit a little tighter, and the scale now reads somewhere in the 190's. Oh woe to me, I'm hoping that some of the weight came from muscles in my legs, especially now that I started jogging again. Certainly, my waist doesn't seem to get thinner.

I really thought I could sustain the high protein lunches and big salad dinners, but the excuses come like this: school work gets in the way of me preparing meals, I don't have the cash to replenish my fridge with the healthier stuff, or I simply just cave in to the cravings. Do I regret all the chocolate mousse gateaus or the apple turnovers or danish or chocolate mint cakes? No, I don't...when I don't see myself in the mirror or in pictures. Why must they make such delicious desserts?????