the third Giliginich

happy 2011

2011-01-20T23:08:00.000-08:00

For most of the last few months leading up to the new year, I dreaded 2011 and thought negatively about the year, contrasting it with how great 2010 was. Of course the negative thoughts manifested themselves to a rough start: the end of my temporary assignment, falling out/fights with family members and friends, and a general sense of losing my mojo again.

I needed some reminders of what made 2010 a personally successful one, and thankfully my cousin "slapped" some sense into me. Here are some notes I took from that phone conversation:

-Focus on having a positive attitude.

-We all have a choice to see the glass as half full or empty. The situation is the same, but the way you look at it is a world of difference.

-When you feel "bad," you think negatively, and vice-versa.

-It doesn't change anything if you focus on the negative, instead, think of the good things in life.
So you don't have a job anymore, at least you're not out on the street, for example.

-Law of Attraction: if you feel good and look at the good things, you'll get more of the good stuff. Focus on good things so you'll get more good things.

-Think good thoughts to get good vibes.

-Check your thoughts - think positively.

-Stick to a decision and commit to it, so there are no mixed signals.

-If you want it, go for it. Never feel guilty. Never mix energies because if you do something but have some nagging negative feelings about it, like "oh I should've saved my money for something else," then you'll wind up not enjoying whatever it is you bought.

-We are responsible for what we feel, nobody else.

-Nobody knows what's best for me but me.

-If you're having fun, have fun, don't let other people make you feel guilty.

-When you're committed to looking for a job (heart, mind, soul), then you're more likely to find one or it finds you.

-Check yourself. If you feel "bad," you must be thinking something negative.

-If you don't forgive, you're bearing that grudge/guilt the rest of your life. The other person may not even be thinking about it or care, so you're at a disadvantage. Forgiveness is really for Yourself, so unload the burden by forgiving.

-Thinking positively is kinda like flossing. Most people would rather not do it, but it's good for your mouth health. You have to condition yourself, much like learning to brush your teeth when you're younger. Brushing is now second-nature. We must learn to do the same with positive thinking. It feels awkward at first because we're all so conditioned to think negatively as a first response.

Yay, let's turn this frown upside down baby! Here's to a really great rest of the year!

drifter

2008-05-13T11:42:00.001-07:00

I'm a drifter that's caught in a place where I can't get free and go to where the wind takes me.

i fucking found you!

2008-03-20T17:10:00.000-07:00

Thanks to zabasearch, I unbelievably got in contact with Jess! There listed several phone numbers and addresses for possible matches, so I called one and that first call was answered by him. I'm stoked, it's unbelievable. And I didn't have to pay to find this information, which leads me to freak out about how "safe" my personal information is also. Well I really don't have to worry about it anyway because who'd be looking for me right? Whew.

I'm on such a high right now. It's weird, I wanted to do this all week, and it happened. Cool.

deb agron and tracy kerr...

2008-03-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

Where too are you guys? We took photography classes at City College San Francisco in 1993.

jess g. moralde where are you?

2008-03-15T00:17:00.000-07:00

Seriously Jess G. Moralde, from Vintage High School in Napa California, class of 1990. I've looked for you the last few months on Myspace, Friendster, Facebook, Google, but can't find you.
Where are you? Get in touch with me by posting a comment here, and let's go from there. Are you still alive?

the ritz travelodge

2007-11-10T15:45:00.000-08:00

Roomie and I had to get a room in the city a couple weekends ago. Right across Martuni's was a lovely place that had rooms open up at 2:15AM because of reservation no-shows. Lukcy us.

The room came with a king-size bed, tv, everything you need for a pleasant stay. The best part was something you'd definitely want to steal over any plush towel or whatever people steal from their hotel room or bathroom: a used syringe/bioharazardous waste receptacle. All for $59, can't beat that!

death of an ipod

2007-10-11T21:37:00.000-07:00

Apple is a master at planned obsolescence. My iPod crashed two days ago, on my way home from work. It was hooked up via cassette adapter to the car radio.

Went to the Apple Store today to just get it checked out. The Mac Genius said the hard drive's dead. They'll give me 10% off a new one if I recycle through them, or see if I can Google a $50 repair job.

Funny thing is, the CD player in my car started to skip around the time I got this iPod at the end of July 2004. So the iPod kept me company and entertained all that time driving, also while working out, and walking to and from classes. And now that I have an iPhone, the iPod goes. I also just got Roomie the new iPod Touch for a birthday gift two weeks ago. We'll see how long that one lasts.

"Planned obsolescence is the enemy," as one of my classmates in a Design and Industry history class declared in her paper. So true, so true. Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and the like make billions off of this. The laptop I type this blog on started having major issues almost three years after the purchase date. Three years I guess is the magic number. Three quick years worth hundreds or thousands of dollars to people like me, and maybe you ;)

marion jones

2007-10-08T21:58:00.000-07:00

Here's a good article about the Marion Jones mess.

I really like Marion, even though she's cocky and sorta bad-mouthed Inger Miller, I still felt she represented the US very well. She was superwoman, and she made me and so many others believe that "it" is possible. Her races were so exciting to watch, especially the ones where she ran people down! She inspired and allowed people to dream. USA! USA! USA!

Roomie bought into the whole BALCO scandal; read books and articles about it. Everytime I or we watched tapes with Marion in it, Roomie would point and say with an accusatory voice: "cheater" or "drugs." I shrugged it off, even though I was the first to say, wow, look how round her face got and how many pimples she has.

I watched her race at the 1999 World Championships and immediately watched her race in the 2000 Olympics. I showed Roomie both tapes, one after the other to compare her facial features. In 1999 she was so "gaunt," and in 2000, looked bloated. The two tell-tale signs I remember about people on steroids is that they have pimples and their face get puffy (Ben Johnson).

I think she took the stuff because Inger Miller was catching up, especially at the 1999 Worlds, and also because she got injured at that same meet. The article above also mentioned the Olympic schedule...a good point.

I knew she was on something, but I still wanted to believe that she wasn't. I still like her. I'm just sad about the whole thing. I wait for the interview, for someone to ask her "why?" She didn't need it, she's so naturally talented.

cape fear

2007-08-02T22:41:00.001-07:00

Back on Monday, I stopped by Walmart in Vallejo to pick up some food for the cats; they like Fancy Feast. I noticed a guy behind me in the checkout line buying an EPT pregnancy test. Although I only saw his face very briefly, like a half a second, I sensed the fear, anxiety, and dread in his eyes. All I could think of was that he's someone who A.B. does not like (think "wb"). And I could see her laughing at the guy's distress and at the same time rolling her eyes of the thought that another baby might pop out soon.

I didn't know whether to feel sorry for the guy or look at the humorous side of the situation, if there was one. Like a Seinfeld episdoe comes to mind, how we laugh at the misfortune of those characters ;)

psycho psychic

2007-07-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

It's coincidence that this article came out today while I read my aol email. Because for some reason, both the gunman and Rebecca Schaeffer entered my head right when I turned off the shower and started to squeegee the walls yesterday. Weird

twilight zone or groundhog day?

2007-07-21T23:20:00.000-07:00

Driving from the 5th/Mission St. Garage, I passed by this corner on 4th/Howard. Was I shocked or delighted? Both maybe? Definitely puzzled.

There was a Jollibee at this same location some years back. It closed and got replaced by a Thai restaurant I believe, and now Jollibee's back! Jollibee's are sprouting up in places like Vallejo and Sacramento, and now back to this place. I'm happy that there's more access to the environmentally unfriendly restaurant, as my friend pointed out last night: they use styrofoam even for a cup of rice!!!!!! An unfortunate truth. I mean I can understand using styrofoam for the wet foods, but rice?

I craved this type of food the moment I returned from the Philippines in February. In true "fashionably" late pinoy or CP time, they sure are taking their sweet time in opening the Vallejo restaurant. We currently have to drive all the way to Daly City or Union City(?) to enjoy Filipino-style spaghetti, banana-langka pie, Aloha burger, or burger steak!

Hope this Jollibee has better business. Can they win over a bigger, non-Filipino-American eating audience? Will that make a difference?

oh...my...duff!!!

2007-07-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

What is up with Hilary Duff all of a sudden? Why do I like her sound now? Well at least two from her latest album. Just saw her perform live on "So You Think You Can Dance," and I don't think she lip-synched. Whatever, I thought it was hot. Someone will surely post the live version on Youtube any day now.

wowa-wii

2007-07-07T22:22:00.000-07:00

Played on the Nintendo Wii for like two days. My first time ever. Tennis, boxing, and bowling. I'm feeling real sore on my back and my whole right arm. I can barely lift it level to my shoulders. It's worth the fun though.

huzzah for the red, white, and fire!

2007-07-05T00:21:00.000-07:00

Washington State + legal fireworks = Awesome!

Neighborhoods go all out on 4th of July up here at my brother and his family's place in Renton, a suburb of Seattle. If all the beautiful trees weren't in the way, you can see fireworks all around you, really all around. I haven't seen so much fireworks in the sky, especially some that had Mt. Ranier as the backdrop.

To add more excitement, one of the fireworks we lit up tipped over and shot the lights into the garage and into the neighbor's. The one in the garage started a fire when it hit a roll of burlap. Good thing we all freaked out enough to react and extinguish the possible disaster. Definitely one to remember.

but still, it reminded me of how lonely i really am

2007-07-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

I never can say goodbye. My friend from Harbor City came to SF with two other friends. I showed them around. They stayed at Travelodge on Lombard. I met them there Tuesday afternoon. We then walked around to Chestnut Street, ate a Thai restaurant, drove to Palace of Fine Arts, some other places I don't remember. The bar scene in SF is really dead in the middle of the week. That's expected, but they kept insisting that LA is a lot busier even on weeknights. Whatever.

It's really hard for me to sleep in unfamiliar places like motels or hotels, especially if there are other people in the room besides Roomie, because I tend to get really conscious of my "violent" snoring. So I didn't get enough sleep that night.

The next day, we crossed the Golden Gate and eventually made it to Muir Woods after stopping at the vista points overlooking the bridge on the Marin side. Muir Woods, what an amazing place. Walking underneath all those redwoods had more impact on me after reading Julia Butterfly Hill's book "The Legacy of Luna," which is about her ordeal in living up in a redwood to protest the cutting down of the giant trees up in Humboldt. I actually met her at SFSU a few years ago, got her to sign my book, which I haven't read yet at that point. I just read it this past January, on the plane ride to Philippines. Anyhoo, it's majestic to visit Muir Woods, it's a totally different world, and I now understand how Julia heard her calling when she first encountered the trees...truly inspirational.

I decided to sleep at my parents' house that night, so other people could get there sleep on. Someone commented that he heard my snoring, and that was an even better excuse to not sleep at the motel anymore. So after dropping them off at 2:30am, I headed "home." We planned that I see them again the next day, but with some work I needed to finish delaying me, they went ahead and headed back home to LA. Oh, another thing, I only got about five hours sleep because my phone rang. A friend called and left a message that she "fired" me because she found someone else to work on her project for free. Well, the "firing" is just for drama, we haven't even started working on anything yet, just talks.

So I couldn't go back to sleep after the phone rang, so getting up and working was the only option. My friends decided to not wait for me anymore to show them around, and headed back already. Sadness filled me. The sadness was of course exaggerated by the tiredness. But you know how that goes. I couldn't even nap it off. Good thing my niece from Ohio was there to keep me company :)

duff love

2007-06-29T17:58:00.001-07:00

I never ever really paid attention to Hilary Duff in the past. I only saw/knew of her when my young niece or nephews watched Disney Channel and her show was on. It wasn't my thing.

Then I saw this video at Badlands and I was sorta mesmerized. Guess she's all woman now. I thought she looked good, and the song wasn't all that bad.

more about pussy

2007-06-22T21:47:00.000-07:00

What a relief! I caught owner of the cats as I put food on their little dish. I asked how Burlios got his leg injured and she said he got into a fight with another cat. Whew! Better that than some human kicking him. She also said he goes after German Shepherds and other dogs, like she said before.

Go get'em tiger!

A lot of times I really want to play with them, like pick them up and hold them, but Roomie and I are freaked out, especially Roomie, who suffers from bad pet allergies. Also, the fact that both Burlios and Toulouse are outdoor cats usually spells fleas. Ugh, both of them have debris stuck to their fur all the time; it's nasty, even if it's just a small dry leaf or what not. The only thing I do is pet, rub, or scratch them with my left hand. That way, I can still open the door with my clean right hand, so dander/cooties won't get stuck to the doorknob and other items in the house that may upset Roomie's sensitive allergies. Plus I have to go use only my sink in the master bathroom.

One thing that bothers me just teeny bit is that everytime I play with them, like scratching their head or neck, they don't purr. It's my own understanding that cats really show they like or love you when they purr. I thought I heard a slight purr the other day, but still. Maybe it's because the only time I heard other cats purr is when they're indoors when purring isn't competing with outside world noises. At least these cats don't make pig noises like when a skunk and raccoon are fighting ;)

these pussies are no pussies

2007-06-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

The cats who "adopted" us here in the Elk Grove house belong to the next door neighbors. The cats hung out at the front door ever since Roomie moved in. We started feeding them early this year or very late last year. We never had a conversation with the owners, until I finally caught the wife of next door.

Roomie and I guessed that the cats were both female, and named each one. "Pussy" is the gray one, and "Checkers" is the black and white one. Turns out they're both male, and brothers! The woman who owns them also said that "Pussy" is actually named "Burlios" and "Checkers" is "Toulouse," both characters from the Disney flick "Aristocats."

Earlier this month, Burlios started to limp pretty badly. I left a note on the neighbor's door, but she never got back to us. She did mention that Burlios is pretty aggressive; he attacks their dog, and goes after other neighborhood dogs when he sees them. So I've been worried sick about his health. I really want to take him to the vet and get checked out. Though it doesn't seem like he's in much pain, he just has a bad limp, and goes around his daily routine, albeit a little more slower than usual.

I kept thinking that some asshole most likely kicked him just because, that's how assholes usually are. Another possibility went through my head, like he had a bad landing, but I was pretty sure someone fucked with him.

Then earlier this evening, I witnessed what may also happened. I saw another cat come around the corner of the street and Toulouse sprinted for it. I heard cat screams and afterward they both just stared at each other, duel-style, ready for attack. Burlios went closer to the other two cats as if having his brother's back. The stranger cat saw me walking closer and made a run for it, but Toulouse ran after it and fought just for a little bit and then did the stare thing again.

So perhaps Burlios got hurt that way? If so, my mind can rest at ease and not think so unkindly toward possible unknown assholes who kick cats. ;))

Go Pussie Power!

i remember the boy

2007-01-22T18:56:00.000-08:00

I listened to some Lea Salonga songs on the iPod before traveling to the Philippines. There's a song called "I Remember the Boy" that I like, for the tune. The song is from her CD release oh about 7-ish years ago. I listen to the song several times in the span of several days.

I get here and the freakin song is practically everywhere: 1. When I tested a cell phone with radio, it played, but by another singer, 2. It's a theme song for a promo of a telenovela here. 3. It plays on the radio at department and grocery stores. 4. I hum or sing the chorus all the time so far.

Is this the soundtrack for my trip here?

celebrity sighting

2007-01-08T22:55:00.000-08:00

At just one of Waikiki's ubiquitous ABC stores, I saw Scott Ian, guitarist for the metal band Anthrax. Too bad Roomie or I didn't bring a camera. Doesn't matter, I felt weird to ask him for a picture anyway. He was with his wife at the cash register. Seemed like they spent enough money ($100 = 1 gift, $300 = 2 gifts(?), $500 = etc.) at the ABC stores so they collected their free gift. See, all these famous celebrities are just regular peoples.

In my head, I kept referring to him as "Scott Weiland," but good thing all I said to him was, "hey you're from Anthrax, right?" because Scott Weiland is another person from another band. I discovered my mistake while looking for his picture to post on here.

I really haven't heard any Anthrax song. I only know him by watching VH1's "I Love the 70's/80's/90's" shows. He's really good on those shows too, very funny and amiable. His wife is also very pretty.

reverse sunset

2007-01-06T01:34:00.000-08:00

mahalo, but no mahalao

2007-01-05T23:34:00.000-08:00

This fourth trip to Hawaii made me realize a little more that Hawaii IS just a great place to visit. I don't think I could live here, or at least I don't see myself living here. My first visit, I was blown away by the laid back atmosphere and the sun and surf. Now I see past the tourist areas and don't feel like it's any more special.

Roomie and I did enjoy a great sunset by the beach. We were supposed to see the sun set from the top of Diamond Head, but we didn't quite make it even to the entrance due to tiredness from more walking and time running out. The sunset moments and an earlier swim with the fishies restored my love for Waikiki.

It's so much fun to vacation, ever!

**********

Yesterday, we ran into my cousin who apparently is staying at the same hotel we're staying in. I didn't even know she and her husband were coming here. Also, I found out a classmate also is staying at the same hotel! I knew he and a friend were coming here same time as us, but I didn't know anything else about their plans until they arrived. I wonder if I'll run into someone else!

aloha

2007-01-03T22:58:00.000-08:00

We're on our second day here in Honolulu. To celebrate the 10 years, Roomie and I headed for Hawaii now, since I'll be in the Philippines during the actual date of the anniversary.

Lots of boring details about the flight, except for the part where Roomie wanted to pick a fight with the ticket agent for some stupid reason. It was early in the morning, and hunger struck, I guess.

The flight was so smooth. Nice to be back in Hawaii. I missed it since the last time, in December 2002 for the Honolulu Marathon. Although Hotwire.com dissed us by booking us in a hotel so far away from the beach (a fifteen-minute walk), and then there was a cockroach that managed to get away, the 37th floor sorta made up for the inconvenience. We have a pretty good view!

And we're right across from the Ambassador Hotel, the first hotel we stayed at during our first trip here, way back in 1999! It's kinda like we've gone full circle...so what does it all mean?

We've done lots of walking already, albeit all within Waikiki. The tourists here are a trip. My left big toe is hurting like crazy from all the walking, I hope it's nothing serious. We swam with some fish today at one of the beaches. It's so much better to swim among beautiful and colorful tropical fish, rather than just looking at them through a glass. I saw this one fish that reminded me of a drag queen — it looked like it had major eye shadow mascara makeup. I should've bought an underwater camera, even cooler if it's digital ;-)

happy 2007

2007-01-01T02:11:00.000-08:00

It was a chill day. It was only my bro, cousin and me in American Canyon. The rest of the family went to San Bernardino for a mini reunion. "Complications" prevented me from joining them. Unnecessary "drama," you might say.

Anyhoo, here's to a wonderful 2007.

They say you should wear polka dots during new year, so here's my version. It was from last year, but I added seven new holes.

I can't believe it's 2007!

thanksgiving '06

2006-12-16T01:50:00.000-08:00

Wanted to post about this right after my trip, but I'm all kinds of late on it:

I drove down to San Bernardino for what was supposed to be a mini family reunion with my cousins and my own family, but my family wound up not driving down for some reason or another.

On my way down Hwy 5, I told myself that I would not let myself get caught up in the madness of speed racing and stressing out and dreading the 300+ mile journey. So I did myself good by staying most of the time on the slow (right) lane and watched others go past me, but at some point I caught up with them anyway because everyone wanted to avoid the trucks on the right lane. just goes to show that slow and steady "wins the race," er whatever. It really depends on the final destination, but I would call the trip somewhat "enjoyable." I allowed as many stops necessary, just to stretch or use the potty. Great strategy indeed!

I had a hard time getting to sleep the first night, so I took pictures of the shadow on the ceiling created by the nightlight behind a desk where some fake flowers sat. I figured the image could be useful at some point for a design project.

This trip also served as part of my homework because my final (research) project's subject was designing a logo and redesigning Leila Florentino's website, so on two occasions I drove to LA and back to SB. Wow, those SoCal folks sure do drive fast. It dawned on me that I guess they're so used to getting stuck in really severe traffic all the time that every opportunity they get to drive super-fast, they take. I don't blame them, because on Thanksgiving eve, I got caught in the madness driving back to SB. The route also happened to be on the way to Vegas or Palm Springs, and lots of folks headed that way. What a frikkin nightmare that 3 hour crawl was. But again, I pat myself on the back for staying calm and making the best out of it, by concentrating on the tunes from the iPod, connected to the tape player.

-----------

The bathroom at my cousin's house looks out to the neighbor's chimney and this owl. At first I was like, wow, that's sooo cool, to see a real owl! But then I realized that they're nocturnal animals and this one seemed to stay put for a very long time, a real long time, like not move at all. Fake or not, it looked cool.

-----------

My drive home was a drive. I always thought there was something romantic about this long stretch of highway. I dreamed since I was a teenager of driving the long road by myself; it gave me a great feeling of independence. I caught some of that "childhood" innocence during this trip.

multiple convergence

2006-12-14T20:17:00.000-08:00

The end of the semester.
The end of the year.
The end of my undergrad experience at SFSU.
The end of my stay at my studio apartment.
The end of homework with friends.
The realization that these changes are permanent.
The realization of a dream come true...now staring you in the face.
The broken heart.
The aching heart because I'll miss TOXIC oh so much. It really hurts. Makes it hard to sleep. "with the taste of your lips i'm on a ride, you're toxic, i'm slipping under, with a taste of poison paradise, i'm addicted to you" yes, it's cheesy and it's from a song. Who cares, I don't care, I totally slipped under.

All these things got me emotionally wound up. The three all-nighters in a row don't help keep my emotions in check also.

On a good note, I did really well (for myself) on my FINAL design presentation for the final project, the senior project.

It's really super-satisfying when you put in all the work and you stress out for days and hours and minutes finishing up right up to the last moments. And you go on to present, this time around not super-nervous because you're not drugged up with Entex. And to have the instructor comment on the grading sheet: "impressive." Glad that shit is finally over!

Let me go through this first, let me experience this pain, let me get over it, and then I'll open my arms up to Elk Grove.

definitely not a love hangover

2006-11-01T23:45:00.000-08:00

Monday, October 30, 2006: Upstairs neighbor peeps head out her window as I get into my car to invite me to their Halloween party. "Best costume gets a prize!"
I'm thinking I don't have a costume/haven't done Halloween in years/I don't want to go, but I'll grab some chips at the store just in case I do go and have something to offer them.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006: In the evening, I keep expecting to hear a steady rush of footseps go up the stairs (right on the other side of my wall) to the party upstairs. The first few guests arrive around 9-ish.

I'm talking with Roomie on the phone and ML on AIM. The girl from upstairs knocks on my door with two other girls again inviting me to head up. "But I don't have a costume!" "Oh that's ok, some other people don't have costumes also."

I consult with Roomie and ML whether I should go. They both say yes. So I plan to only stay oh around 30 minutes or so.

I head up and the main reason I go is just so I can see how the other units in the building look like, and they have the biggest of the five, a three bedroom two bath joint.

It's the first party I've gone to in so many years where I basically just met everybody. Seemed everyone was in their early 20's and from the Peninsula, specifically the Belmont area. The upstairs neighbors are pretty cool. I chat mostly with the guy, while the girl makes me a long island ice tea. I chat with other folks. The alcohol kicks in from behind. I didn't even see it coming. She offers me another drink and I say yes. "You want strong or weak?" I mouth to her: "Strong."

Long story short: I got wasted, talked with people and I pray that I didn't say anything crazy or offensive that I can't remember. It was that bad.

I lunched with SG about three weeks ago and told her about the noises that I hear from upstairs, about a girl making delighted playful screams. And at the party, I found out exactly what the noise was all about, as the guy and girl went into the guy's room and knocked boots. One of the guests kept tabs of how many rounds they did; about four before I left. Also right before I left, the third roommate somehow managed to let me smoke out of a bong, which was my first hit off a bong. Whatever.

Made my way downstairs and apparently opened some AIM chats and started babbling, and "documented" the experience via email to Bancy. I found my yahoo window still open with the unsent email to Bance. She got a kick out of that email.

November 1, 2006: All day today I suffered a lot. My first hangover in two years. I didn't want to stay horizontal all day, so I forced vomit a couple of times just to get rid of the nausea. Now we'll see how those pictures turn out. Pathetic.
That's me with the "blood" still splattered on the face. Lovely.

process

2006-10-26T22:54:00.000-07:00

I talked to several people about the break-up and I felt better and better from hearing different points of views and also because of the support from friends (thanks Bance). People do have the right to feel anyway about a subject and ultimately, it's up to me how to feel about what I hear. I need to control my emotions better, and to think rationally before reacting. But of course, when your heart is ripped apart, it's a little difficult to do that. I mean when you hear someone say they'll disown their child because of something (that hit real close to home for me), that's bound to get a reaction.

Roomie said I need to talk to the person, and I will as soon as I can to clear the air.

breaking up is hard to do

2006-10-25T22:13:00.000-07:00

It's really hard to lose someone who you thought was a really great person and friend that you admire. Someone that you can even say you love as friend. Well I lost someone on Monday. Sure we all have our beliefs and opinions about everything, and who knows if I over-reacted, but when you hear things come out of that someone's mouth that really hurts, disappoints, and crushes you, you really have to think about whether you want to hang around that kind of energy.

I admit I haven't confronted the person about my issue, as I am still processing, so the other person doesn't even know why I acted distant the last few. I'll have a little chat with soon enough. Yes, this is the wrong way to go about things. I'm in shock and depressed about the whole thing. Slowly but surely, before all goes more sour.

life in the middle lane

2006-09-17T00:10:00.000-07:00

Recently, I stopped driving on the fast/left/passing lane.

I got tired of those assholes who hog the fast lane and don't yield to people who go faster than them and there's a mile between them and the car ahead. I got tired of fighting with them. Come on now, it's called a PASSING lane. Screw them. Where's the Autobahn when you need it? SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT.

Angel just got her 90,000 mile maintenance, and for all the six and a half years I drove her, I decided to not be so hard on her all the time.

It freaks some of my passengers out when I go "faster."

Driving in the middle and slow (right) lanes allows me to "relax." Looking back now, I felt always "stressed out" in the fast lane.

High gas prices just annoy, especially for someone who is a full-time student. That financial aid can go to other things needed for survival.

The different perspective on the highway is "refreshing." Although I noticed on my way to EG that no matter how slow you go on the highway (middle or slow lane), there's always someone else going slower...in front of you.

I wonder when I'll miss "racing."

senioritis pt. 2

2006-08-30T23:36:00.000-07:00

My second day of school:

1. Ran into SG twice in one day at two different locations. Imagine that. After not seeing each other in months.

2. Ran into Sher...nice.

3. Lunch with Ashley at Subway..."eat fresh!"

4. I don't like the way this semester's starting out. I"m scrambling to find and add classes, tweaking my schedule, and feeling like I don't really want to do it anymore. This whole lookin for classes is distracting and I feel very uprooted, not like previous semesters where I got off to running starts.

5. One part of the scrambling is to please someone I want to please. I want to take the afternoon section, but someone wants me to take the evening section so someone doesn't have to be alone. I aim to please. LAME LAME LAME.

I gotta get over this and focus; keep my eye on the fucking prize. #5 is plain ol' LAME!

6. I hope lying to another "someone/something (think big institution/big brother)" doesn't bite me hard in the ass. Oh, that's gonna freak me out for sure. All this worry because of convenience/(laziness?). Now I know how Bachi feels. Hopefully I don't go to jail for that one. Vague (think of the song, a spoof of "Vogue" by Julie Brown in Medusa)!

7. Found out why my financial aid hasn't been disbursed: because they don't count waitlisted classes, so I only have 10 frikkin units instead of the mandatory 12! Ugh!

to dance or not to dance

2006-08-30T00:33:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday evening, I saw my first Likha show since their 1992 10-year anniversary show (which I thought was the best ever).

Oh it was so great to run into old friends. I felt very happy.

Of course several people kept saying or asking when I'd come dance again. Some of them asked me that question ever since I left the group in 2000, but this time around, I might give it some serious thought.

You see, when I left, it was on the heels of the most horrible experience a performer could have. I fucked up so many times during the BIG annual show where my family and friends were in the audience. Also in the audience were people who knew how things were supposed to be, like former group members, other dancers from other companies, stage professionals, etc. And my mistakes were so visible because of the parts I played. I was so embarrassed. Maybe things happened the way they did because several months leading to the show, my "fire was extinguished" and I just didn't want to do it anymore.

I'm ashamed to say that that performance still haunts me to this day. I think of it often. I still haven't learned to let go. I vowed to someday "correct" my mistakes, but not speficically with Likha, but perhaps another similar vehicle. But I think the only way to face and beat my demons is to go back to "Ground Zero."

I think I'm almost at the place where I feel ready to dance again. School's winding down, and I'm planning to take several weeks vacation to the Philippines after graduation in December; I need a dose of my cultural roots again, so we'll see what time it is then.

senioritis

2006-08-30T00:15:00.000-07:00

First day of school went like this:

1. DAI 505: Research and Development Lab seemed interesting. That class definitely has lots of work in store for us. 2 of my top 5 from DAI 300 (Fall '04) are in the class ;)

2. Ran into Mitz in the hallway. Mitz sported a new 'do. I like it, of course. With a face like that, you can't go wrong. :p

3. Visited Ashley's new work place on campus. Ashley's always good for a lot of laughs. Ashley also has a new 'do, which I also like.

4. Ran into Ms. Noble who asked me to TA for her class. It's cool, at lease there's 3 units to fall back on if I can't find/add into another class.

5. Ate at the cafeteria again. Ugh, I still couldn't get the taste of the chicken strips from last semester out of my mouth, so why did I go back for more? sigh. At least they had the barbeque meatballs this time also, along with those teeny shrimp popcorn bites.

6. ID 240: Color and Design: seems like a waste of my time and money. Not really feeling this class, although if I drop it, I'd forfeit all the eye candy. sigh. But the teacher seems a little on the dumbass side. I mean, she butchered almost every single name on the roll sheet. I mean how hard is it to say/read "Ophelia/Ofelia" or "Chloe" or "Ignacio????" Hello, you're in the Bay Area, get with the program. As I said, good thing the TA credits are there to fall back on.

7. Noticed all the missing headphones while walking throughout campus. Where did all the iPods go? Does nobody bring their iPods to school anymore? Is it just me? Did I not get the memo? Bizarre.

8. Felt symptoms of senioritis. Felt them even early on this summer. But when I start thinking about not wanting to pursue a class or "do I really need to be here?" then we've got a problem. Ugh.

mississippi marsala

2006-08-26T00:30:00.000-07:00

The rest of my Friday went like this:

Found a packet of vegetarian chili from Trader Joe's, so ate that for lunch, then ate soy cream and rice cream for dessert.

Met up with former coworkers from SFSU at Chevy's. I only had chips and salsa and water there, because I had another engagement at Bennihana with Roomie and some of Sac State Advancement people.

I've never eaten at Bennihana. I only glance at the animated chefs and their fancy techniques on the hibachi through the Japantown mall window. Too bad I didn't catch the show because of the previous engagement, but I ate Roomie's and the Queen Bee's leftovers which were absolutely DEE-LISH! Roomie had steak, and QB had chicken. The flavorfull food I guess justified the price for each meal.

Afterwards, some of us went to Hukilau for drinks, since my intern boss joined the Sac people for dinner, and he owns Hukilau. After it was all over, I wound up finishing four drinks: two different mixed and two different shots. Even though I'm a lightweight, it didn't hit me as bad. The food I had beforehand really helped from me becoming a disaster in front of two of my former bosses.

Roomie and I came back to the Miyako where we relaxed in the suite's sauna. That helped me get to sobreity a little quicker. And, I finally finished the chicken marsala from last night. It was cold, of course, and so I couldn't taste much of the flavor anymore, or maybe it was because the alcohol probably numbed my mouth and taste buds.

Oh I hope the hangover isn't too bad in the morning.

i miss my marsala!

2006-08-25T13:37:00.000-07:00

Oh woe to me. Last night, Roomie and I checked into Japantown's Miyako Hotel because his work has some kind of retreat all day today. Since staying at hotels is always fun, he invited me to hang and spend the night.

We ordered room service. I picked the chicken marsala, which was delicious. They provided two pieces of breast with tons of mushrooms, penne pasta, and veggies as sides. I ate one last night, which filled me up just fine. The other I saved for today's lunch. The junior suite we're staying in doesn't have a fridge, but I figured one day won't spoil the chicken.

I left the hotel this morning to come back to my apartment to take care of things, then hit the gym. I realized after driving home and craving the marsala (my mouth is wayyy watery for the amazing taste), that I left it in the frikkin room.

We have one more night at the hotel, but I've got two dinner engagements tonight, and who knows if the food left at the hotel will keep for one more day. Like they say, chicken is pretty sensitive like that.

Now my fridge is pretty empty, except for some Gatorade, bottled water, soy milk, and the freezer has some soy cream (ice cream for us lactose intolerants). Seems like it's off to the McDonald's two blocks away for me and their dollar menu. Sigh. (boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo)

amazing grace

2006-08-19T23:47:00.000-07:00

The amazing Grace Nono performed two chants over at the house in Elk Grove on Saturday, followed by a q & a, then an old song in which we got audience members up on their feet dancing. The dancing was led by members of a Pilipino folk dance group from Bukidnon in Mindanao.

This woman's got an amazing voice; it absolutely mesmerizes you and gives you goosebumps.

It was fun spending the afternoon in the presence of a celebrity/activist/literary/artist/the list goes on...

not monica lewinsky

2006-08-18T22:08:00.000-07:00

My month + 1/2 graphic design summer internship ended today. Wouldn't you know it, as it always does, this was the best week at that place because I was counting down the days and hours til freedom, and of course you feel so much more relaxed when you know the end is near.

Things like: that other designer guy finally warming up to you or talking to you more start to happen, or just feeling happy in general.

The boss took me out to lunch on Wednesday. What a nice guy. He said some really nice things. I learned a lot from my short gig there. I even got to go with him and the other senior designer to a client presentation; exciting stuff! It's interesting to see how the client reacts to the work that you design.

It's a good thing this internship produced no scandal, like that one time with Bill and Monica.

snooze x15

2006-07-18T22:52:00.000-07:00

I started to train my body to sleep hella early and wake up hella early so I can hit the gym before going to work. The target time for bed: 9pm, and target for waking up: 5am.

I wound up hitting the sack at 9:30pm, haha, even Filipino time got me there. The bizarre thing was that I hit the snooze button from the moment it went off until sometime around 7:30am. My body just said, "Umm, I'm used to the regular time, so I'll make you feel like a log for now, you ain't gett'n up fool."

Perhaps I was recovering from something, like the heat, the dehydration, the ek-ek, or that the time difference of waking up at 7:30 regularly to 5am was too drastic a change. Guess I'll take it one night at a time, one night at a time, one night at a time, Laaaaa la la laa, One night at a tiiiiiime, yeeeaahhheeeahhh.

bezu fache

2006-07-13T23:57:00.000-07:00

I made good use of my free time before working this summer.

Roomie gave me a copy of "The Davinci Code" in late May. I didn't start reading it until the semester ended, and even then I could only afford to read a chapter a night, even though the chapters are really short.

Anyhoo, I finished the book during the Ohio trip, but I wanted to finish sooner because Dan Brown really wrote a good story, quite a riveting read! I wanted to see the movie after reading the book, combine that with genuine interest of the good story, and I devoted some time on getting through the 490 pages. I'm usually a slow reader, but I jammed through this book.

Saw the movie when I returned from Ohio, it was ok.

I picked up Dan Brown's prequel to Davinci Code, "Angels and Demons," at the Atlanta airport during a stop-over. But I felt this one lagged for about first 3/4 of the story. The longer chapters were dedicated to some real boring stuff, like how Robert Landgon is fighting to get out of some tight spots so he won't die, ek-ek like that. I prefer Davinci. Although I did finish this one up in about a week and a half. That's a major thing for me. The good thing is that the airport shop in Atlanta where I bought Angels, is that they have a program called "Read and Return." I can get a 50% refund on the book if I return it to another airport bookshop owned by the same company within six months, sweet!

Now, I'm about to start another Dan Brown novel, "Digital Fortress," which Roomie let me borrow.

umm, hairballs????

2006-07-13T23:46:00.000-07:00

This morning, as I opened the door to Angel, I was greeted with some disgusting stuff. I highly suspected that it was cat vomit, or coughed-up "hairballs," although there were definitely other things on there besides hair, but I didn't dare investigate too much.

My apartment building has a resident homeless cat that hangs out in the car port. I've seen some of the "stuff" on my neighbor's (they give the cat food sometimes and the cat really likes these people; I've seen them interact like it's their cat, but alas, it's not) car a while back, so I was the cat deposited on Angel. This cat gives me dirty looks every time we see each other, which is practically every day. I say hi most of the time, or I just give him/her a nod of hello the other times.

I showed my coworker who owns a cat if he's ever seen a "hairball" like this one, but he was shocked at what he saw. I felt a little sad when he commented (perhaps jokingly?) that the cat might die soon because of what it puts in its stomach. I mean, there's some weird wild stuff there.

summer internship

2006-07-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

I'm working for a graphic design firm over in the East Bay until school starts in late August. I started on the Wednesday in the last week of June; worked for two days, then started up again July 5. The only time that I wasn't late, my schedule is 9am to 6pm, was the first day. For some reason, getting to work on time is a ridiculous issue for me. I was late while working for Wells Fargo, then for Knowledge Networks, then SFSU, and now. I manage to get my ass over to the office at around 9:20am, no matter how early or late I leave my place. Like today, I left at 8:30 but the Thursday traffic spoiled my plans for arriving on time. Whatever. Geez, even when I "interviewed" with the owner back in April, I was almost an hour late, although at that time, an accident on the freeway caused a massive delay.

The firm moved from their office that they shared with another company in Emeryville, right across from the Pixar studios to a loft about three blocks away from Jack London Square in Oakland. I only noticed the Pixar gate when I started working, for some reason, I failed to see it during the time I interviewed. That old place was a little cramped and covered with dog hair because my coworker brought his two dogs in the days when he worked, and another lady working for the other company brought her dog in every day.

The new office is right across from the Port of Oakland, where they load and unload those huge things that trucks tow onto freight ships. It's a very industrial area; that's an understatement. Right next to our building are three train tracks that get heavy train traffic all freakin day. The office is in the back of the building so we hear the horns and whistles and screeching metal. To top this off, the radio station we listen to all day, K101, plays some songs that I really like, but when a song is in heavy rotation, you absolutely start hating it. The station really likes their Kelly Clarkson, James Blunt, K.T. Tunstall (yuck!), Nick Lachey, plus all the other top 40 ek-ek. As I told Bancy earlier, my ears are practically bleeding by the end of the day.

pleasantville

2006-06-21T22:21:00.000-07:00

My trip with Roomie to Columbus Ohio for our friends' wedding allowed us, well me to visit the state for the first time. The outdoor wedding took place at a rose garden, and it was hot, humid, and windy at times.

During the five days in Columbus, I discovered: the beauty of the lush and verdant trees all over the place; the seemingly laid back attitude of the people, in the parts we visited; quite a few numbers of same-sex parents (well about two or three, I mean you don't even see that much in SF in one day!); the streets and highways were wide and not crowded: awesome; its size seemed manageable so you can get around in a fairly short period of time, not like huge-ass Houston; I could see myself living there?

I kept referring to an area of the Columbus riverfront as River Seine-like, like the one in Paris, France. The locals at the wedding reception reacted with amusement at my visitor's "innocence," and they probably thought I was crazy for the comparison. Still, I was charmed with the place.

My sister and her family live two hours to the south, in teeny Patriot. She said it reminded her of my birthplace of Malaybalay, and when I saw it with my own eyes, I believed. Trees all over the place gave the place an amazing charm. This was true country. We passed by an Amish buggy, bales and bales of hay, corn fields, and more green scenery.

aawwwwww

2006-05-17T23:12:00.000-07:00

My Holistic Health: Tradition Chinese Medicine class just ended earlier this evening. Three group presentations highlighted the last class; we took our final last week. Our group presented on Feng Shui.

We took a different route with the presentation. Rather than just reading off information and showing powerpoint slides, one of the members thought of presenting how Feng Shui works through informative skits. This was the best idea that we came up with.

Now ever since the group project was assigned back in early February, I dreaded the presentation part of the class. I loved everything else about the class and learned a great deal about this "branch" of holistic health. The teacher's pretty charismatic and makes the information that much more interesting.

So today was THE day for us to go up in front of class and do our thing. Was I in a funk all day, dreading this presentation. Luckily, I did cardio with the elliptical machine (finally made us of the 24 Hour membership) right after I woke up, and that really helped to release some funky energy.

Met with my group at 3pm, and they later told me that my face looked like all the world around me had fallen apart...the nervousness and tension was very evident. Forgetting my lines scared me the most. That's all my fault though, I really didn't study my lines or my cues that much. And after a few run-throughs, we realized that we could ad-lib a little bit, but stay on the storyline.

Showtime and we had the audience laughing, crying, saying that it was better than "Cats." Well, only the first was true. Most of the class enjoyed the skits. Broadway here I come!

Another group ended the class by performing a beautiful Japanese Tea Ceremony. They had the entire class exit the room, and we came back inside with relaxing music, sandalwood incense, candles, and tea on our desks. It was the perfect way to balance out the letdown I felt that "it's all over," and the perfect way to end the class in general. The energy was amazing; it really felt like we left the physical world outside of class and entered the spiritual inside. Thank you to my groupmates and to the class. AWESOME!

damn you fedex!

2006-05-10T22:25:00.000-07:00

While my problem with UPS was that they never delivered in the evenings for domestic delivery when people are usually home already, the problem with FedEx is that they delivered my package at around 6:20pm earlier this evening.

Where was I? I was in class. Oh the irony of it all.

This irony leads me to wonder if I'm not meant to have Tivo at all. The package that I missed was some kind of wireless internet adapter for Tivo to work. Since I received the big Tivo box through UPS about two weeks ago, I haven't "enjoyed" the "benefits" of Tivo because it just hasn't worked because of that darn missing adapter.

Perhaps I'm really not meant to have a relationship with Tivo. Three years ago it didn't work out, and now, not having a job, does paying $13 a month really worth pausing live tv? I don't even watch that much tv anymore. It's a great trend for me. Especially when I eat, the tv is off, since eating is supposedly one of the times when you're nourishing yourself with some quiet time. Why let tv distract you?

I may need to return this Tivo as well. I mean really, much of what's on tv is just crap anyway. I only watch some of the crap.

good is good

2006-05-10T22:17:00.000-07:00

My love/hate relationship with Sheryl Crow continues. For a long time she was on my good side, but when her first album came out back in the mid 90's, I didn't care much for her. I thought she was all fluff, and I also read an article about her ex-boyfriend and how he died and how she took all the credit for coming up with that first album. So that was sour.

1996 comes along and I hear this song on the radio, "If It Makes You Happy," which I thought was really annoying. Come to find out the reason it annoyed me so: Sheryl Crow sang it. But somehow, that song grew on me. I eventualy bought that whole CD.

The next couple of years, around the turn of the millenium, we were on good terms.

Things went sour again when she dissed Britney Spears, but while she dissed Britney for showing too much skin, Sheryl also showed some skin on some magazine spreads, so I was like, what a hypocritical bitch! At this same time, that other annoying song "Soak Up The Sun" came out. I didn't buy the catchiness of that one, it sounded way too fluffy for me.

"The First Cut is the Deepest" also didn't cut it with me. Too sappy.

Fast forward to nowish, and for some reason, "Soak Up the Sun" started to grow on me as well. I love the bass for that song. It kept playing in my head until I finally "acquired" it about two weeks ago and it replays in my iPod. "Good is Good" is pretty good too.

...you give good "head"...

2006-05-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

Head massage, that is.

For my haircut this morning, my barber/stylist rinsed out the tiny loose hair in those beauty shop head sink dealios. This guy's got some magic fingers because when he ran that warm water and then shampooed, that's when the massage action took place. It felt like my head experienced a long and drawn out orgasm, yeah, it was that good. I still feel the "tingle," hours and hours after the fact. Something about the right length of his nails and the smoothness of his skin, and of course the softness of the water enhanced everything.

Unfortunately, I can't duplicate his magic when I shampoo on my own, and I attempted many, many times.

The title is sung in the tune of Whitney Houston's "You Give Good Love."

the future's so bright, i gotta wear shades

2006-05-02T21:53:00.000-07:00

I'm stuck with the new shades that I got in Sacramento.

Last week, SG and I lunched at Toyo, a Japanese restaurant in a shopping area with Albertson's and Ross as the anchor stores. After grabbing dessert from Baskin Robbins, we walked by Ross on the way back to the car and right by the window was the sunglass carousel. There, I saw my new pair of sunglasses and upon further inspection, found out that they only cost $9.99 at Ross compared to $36 at Macy's. Even though I wound up paying a total of around $24 at Macy's because of a sale they got going on and an additional off when I paid with the Macy's card, my dream was to buy the pair at Ross and return the other ones at Macy's.

I couldn't buy the Ross pair right then because of the really super-long line, and SG had class, so we didn't have enough time to stick around for that.

Well today, my first chance to go back to Ross, and the carousel was mostly depleted of its stock. Not a trace of my pair there, so there went a missed opportunity to get some cash back in my pocket.

still

2006-05-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

ok, I'm still high, and i ate that cake way back at 5pm, then felt the effects an hour later. but i think i'm finally coming down. good grief.

it was cool tho in class because i was looking at my teacher's green John Deer shirt and it seemed to glow when he lectured. too bad i couldn't catch all the stuff he lectured about but i just wrote down all the stufff he wrot on the borad. very inthrusting. my friend took me home.

i'm baked

2006-05-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it. It's Monday night after my biology class and I'm sitting here in the school bibrary's 2nd floor group study room typing up this blog. The reason is because I'm trying to come down.

Funny story really, Faye, my classmate in bio brought in a slice of banana bread with some special added ingredients. I tasted it, it was good. I thought that a little piece wouldn't hurt, but then i got a bigger piece, then one hour later after our ten minute break, i started feeling the effects. it was late reaction. i'm such a liteweight, and a delayed reaction. it feels weird to type , my mind is somewhere else, but onthis blog, but my fingers are far removed from the mind. i listenn to the eyepod. in a szone. a weird zone, so that was a really good cake.

douche bag

2006-04-30T20:56:00.000-07:00

Thursday night's holistic health class provided some unfullfilled comic relief when the instructor started talking about one of panchakarma's therapies, the enema. She mentioned that one can buy an enema bag at any Walgreen's or Longs and told the ladies how it's very similar to a "douche bag," used for the times when they don't feel fresh down there. I watch too much "South Park" or comedies or heard too many jokes regarding the words "douche bag" that it took all my strength and energy to not burst out laughing because she just blurted it out in a "real life" context without any warning and with a straight face. I didn't even manage a shoulder shake; quite an accomplishment. Yah, I'm immature.

the bitch sessions

2006-04-29T00:12:00.000-07:00

I'm in such a fowl mood right now. The whole day was fucked. I woke up sometime around 10:45am. Debated whether I should go back to bed to shake off that last piece of tired, but decided to fight through. I planned so many things to do, but wound up chatting online for oh, close to two hours.

On a positive note, I made two hours worth of progress on transferring the 1988 Olympic track and field footage from VHS to DVD. I need to finish this project before the end of May, so I can hand it off to that guy Steve from Indiana, that one who let me borrow his other track and field tapes.

Feeling tired sucks, all day I felt all dark and sluggish inside, unmotivated to study, or unsure how to make use of the day.

After finally showering at 7pm, I started to pack up for my trip to the EG, and then the stress and anxiety of moving hit me hard. I read before that a person who moves something like five times in within ten years will suffer from stress, big time. So thinking about that stressed me out even more. Moreover, not knowing where I'm moving to pissed me off. Should I ask if I could change my lease to a month-to-month, or do I move to EG for two months and go back closer to school when school starts up again, or do I do this or do that?

I'm really unpleasant to be around with right now. Poor Roomie.

phew

2006-04-26T16:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my printer was on the fritz, but today, it's working ok. I did a couple of test prints and no paper jams. What a relief since I really can't afford to purchase a new one anyway.

Yesterday, Roomie's berfday gift to me, a Tivo, arrived via UPS. I actually bought it through costco.com because they offered a huge mail-in rebate of $150 from the original price of $209. The package's original delivery date was on Monday, but I already went to class before UPS arrived. Luckily, the driver came back on Tuesday before I left.

I do have beef with the UPS because their business model suits other businessess better than home deliveries. I mean, for example, what's the point of ordering something online and getting the package delivered to your home via a service that only comes during their business hours? Most people work and are away from home, so you either have to redirect the pacakge so you can pick it up at one of the UPS hubs, which is usually located in some obscure area miles from where you live, or have it shipped to another location. In my case, my parents' home in the AC which I only get to visit a few times a month. That's why i almost never ever order stuff online. I like to get my shit right then and there. I don't have the patience to wait and pay extra for shipping.

sacratomato

2006-04-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

Fun times in Sacramento today. Roomie and I took advantage of the ok weather, although the forecast predicted thunderstorms, and headed to Old Sacramento. After a quick drive around the area, while looking for parking, I decided that the area didn't seem to offer much except specialty shops after specialty shops, so off we went to the state capitol instead.

Fun times at the capitol, and it was free! We strolled outside and inside, admiring the architecture and design.

One of my favorite attractions inside were promotional displays by each of California's counties. This one is of San Bernardino, which I found out today is the largest county in all of the 48 contiguous states. Who knew?

After all that, I finally bought a new pair of sunglasses that look more of the times. Even though they're really tight against my temples and my pinoy nose doesn't really have a bridge to hold it up, I thought it looked good, ha! That was really exciting. I also bought a new pair of slip-on shoes that can hold my orthotics...boo-yah!

not too happy berfday

2006-04-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

With chicken pox sidelining me, I couldn't celebrate my birthday. Roomie did take me to go see Mathew Bourne's "Swan Lake" last night, but I really didn't enjoy the show that much. However, after the show, we stopped by Tower Records and probably chilly night air didn't bode well for my already compromised health system.

So then today, I planned to spend time with family in the AC, and they even ordered food and such. But I had to cancel all that because I freaked out that I may get someone else sick with the pox, so I didn't want to risk it. I felt too weak to make the drive up anyway, so with that disappointment, and the disappointment in my mom's voice, I spent the whole darn day all alone cooped up in my studio apartment.

happy birthday!

it's funny

2006-04-09T23:46:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm not working anymore, I hardly have time to read blogs. I haven't read other people's blogs in like a month, now hardly have time to update my own. Part of the reason for not updating is because as a full-time student, not much really happens but study and go to class, in my case at least. I don't party like those young'uns do.

While I worked at my last job, there was always some down time I can devote to reading blogs, which was latest passion, er hobby, rather, since I discovered blogging last summer. Now I feel overwhelmed just by the thought of going back to the archives of my favorite blogs and reading a ton. I guess my motto for this is "little by little," or "day by day."

vacation, a week ago

2006-04-09T22:03:00.000-07:00

It was the first time in a long time that Roomie and I vacationed together. Road trip from Elk Grove to SoCal on the 5:

1. My first ever experience with cruise control; makes a world of difference when the road is long with not much turns in between. Cruise control saves your feet, legs and knees from gas pedal fatigue, so you feel much more relaxed and refreshed when you arrive at your destination!

2. Watched Leila perform a "practice" acoustic session at Borders in Glendale. Awesome, she sounds even better live.

3. An old nemesis resurfaces. Who knew he was here in America, I thought he was stuck on the other side of the world! Good thing he hasn't aged that well. Punk ass.

4. I adore cute and talented children.

5. Not much into shopping these days. The trip to the Cabazon outlets only cost Godiva chocolates to give away. Roomie scored better with a couple of shirts and a bow-tie for an event.

6. The new "Pink Panther" wasn't as torturous to watch as I thought. Good thing we saw it for free thanks to downloading from the internet.

7. It really does feel weird when someone you love or someone close is suffering from the horrible side effects of chemotherapy.

8. I couldn't say no, it was just impossible to say no to Roomie as he dragged me to my former nemesis's home because he threw a party. Fortunately, the guests were entertaining.

9. Seeing my nephew in the hospital in pain because of hunger and fatigue because they kept postponing his surgery broke my heart.

10. Toll roads in Orange County totally rock! They should make some of those for up here in the Bay Area, but yeah, that might suck for the environment. But then again, I would totally pay to drive up to the AC or the EG. I can only dream.

11. Roomie wanted to go to Newport Beach's Fashion Island. At a gallery, I fell head over heels with this:
It's called "Claude's Exercise in Color Theory" by Mark Kostabi.

12. Again, toll roads rock.

13. Staying up real late with my niece and her bf until 5:30am the "night" before driving back north probably wasn't a good idea, but it was worth it.

14. Driving the seven hours back because of rain when you're tired from staying up until 5:30am sucks because all these emotions demand your attention and devour lots of good energy. I missed my family terribly on the drive back, and I came to the realization that vacations come and go so fast when it's really super good, and that I had to come back to reality with working on school projects during spring break, and what a bummer that is. Time just flew!

hail mary

2006-03-10T22:42:00.000-08:00

Lunched at another great Thai restaurant called Osha with Desss, who I haven't seen in at least three years. We debated on and on about when the actual last encounter was, but at the food was so dee-lish. She warned me that the skys would splash down today. Thank goodness it didn't happen when I met her downtown, because I forgot my umbrella.

Fast forward seven hours later, the lightning and thunder caused a stir in the quiet study area of the library on campus because some girl peeked out the window and said something. I had my earphones on, so I didn't hear what she said.

When I left the library shortly afterwards, I witnessed what all the fuss was about. The ground was covered with hella hail! I don't think I've seen that much hail before. It was fun walking on the stuff. Cars got covered, it was like a winter wonderland. Angel had her share; I thought most of it would've melted by the time I got home, but I guess the 10 minute drive and the heat of the car in the still freezing air. This winter certainly played some weird tricks, first the temperatures were in the high 60's and low 70's in January, now this.

One more exciting thing; this week's been amazing!

the last temptation of 3rd Giliginich

2006-03-10T00:25:00.000-08:00

I don't miss working, but now I feel the hardships of not having a regular monthly income. Though I'm not starving yet - luckily I do have family and Roomie close enough to run to if necessary, and they won't allow something like that to happen anyway - I'm suddenly slightly Mr. Materialistic. More wants than needs pop up like crazy all over the place: DVD recorder, Victorinox backpack, SFSU sweatshirt, wcsn.com track and field coverage, ebay auction items, artwork, COBRA health insurance coverage, computer software upgrades, etc., all come up to my face and tempted me so badly.

I already blew a chunk of change on one item listed above, so hopefully the buck stops there. I don't have any health insurance coverage at the moment and that's totally freakin me out. Oh priorities, priorities.

aaa

2006-03-07T21:23:00.000-08:00

I became a AAA member several weeks ago. Joining was one of the most exciting things I felt lately, continuing proof that the littlest things excite me. Now I can get free maps - yes, maps excite me too - and special discounts at participating hotels and such, and roadside assistance whenever!

I don't know if it's some weird karma or luck deal, but then Angel got sick. Her driver side lock won't engage when I use the key beeper thing, and it won't lock when I start the engine, so there's definitely something wrong.

I haven't had time to take her to get fixed because 1) I don't really have much time to hang out at the scum-sucking-money-hungry-pig mechanic's and 2) the scum-sucking-money-hungry-pig mechanic will probably take an arm and a leg to get the problem fixed, or they'll "find" something else wrong. Bastardos!

meditation

2006-03-07T21:13:00.000-08:00

My two Holistic Health classes in Eastern Perspectives and Traditional Chinese Medicine encourage practicing meditation on a daily basis. I'm not disciplined enough to practice everyday, and I'm certainly not flexible enough.

The hardest thing physically is to sit in full lotus position. My body just wasn't made with the right parts/nuts and bolts to enable me to do this. The best I can do is "half" lotus, and this strains my back just to hold it. Oh well, my cousin said that a little pain is good, since experiencing the pain helps you to not fall asleep while meditating, or something like that. I hope I can achieve this position some day soon, and my instructor says that if you can sit like this, it makes for better sex as it makes your hip flexors more flexible.

it's a beautiful day

2006-03-03T23:59:00.000-08:00

Great stuff: I finally got a hold of video footage of the track and field events from the 1984 Olympics in L.A. and watched them most of the day. Awesome!

Thank you David and Steve for making all this possible.

***

Got treated to really delicious Thai dinner by S and J. Gotta go back to that place because I'm still hungry for that dish with that beef, so yummy.

don't forget to bring a towel

2006-03-02T23:31:00.000-08:00

This girl sashays with her girlfriend in to class about one hour late and sat on the floor near where I'm seated because there weren't enough seats available elsewhere in the room where they could sit together.

Now this puta must have swum laps in her perfume because for the remainder of the class, her overpowering scent attacked my nose. I'm sensitive to smells, like when I go cologne shopping and test out a couple on those cards, and the ones that I do like on my wrist to see how my chemistry reacts to the scent, I get a big headache afterwards.

Ugh, so now I'm suffering from a headache. The irony of it all was that this happened in my Holistic Health class. I hope someone tells that puta to never swim laps in her perfume again. I was about to say something to her tonight, but she was saved by the bell.

mondays suck

2006-02-20T21:30:00.000-08:00

Because it's a busy day: two classes, both Biology. The first, the lab, goes from 12-3pm, and the lecture 5-8pm. Biology's not my thing, I can't grasp all those atoms and nucleic acids and lipids and proteins, but it's a GE and you can't spell degree without GE.

We had our first test for the lecture tonight. The instructor is a sadist, a sicko, a wacko. Maybe it's because the subject doesn't suit me, but he writes the tests in a different language, and we're supposed to answer them based on inklings of the topics that he drones on and on about during class.

I was so distraught after taking the test that during the remaining two hours of lecture, my mind was all over the place and couldn't follow his lecture.

I signed up to take Bio with this particular instructor because someone, ahem, SG, recommended him, ahem, SG. Also, he got some good reviews on ratemyprofessors.com. But apparently, all the girls gave him a good rating because they think he's cute, but maybe they compared him to an individual chromosome? I mean anything's cute compared to that. Oh well, c'est la vie, I'm not bitter.

inxs

2006-02-15T16:24:00.000-08:00

Had this instant message convo with a friend today, who I haven't seen in a couple of years.

Friend: "...do you know that you kinda look like the new singer of inxs?!!! ha ha ha ha i saw their video last month and I was like "he reminds me of Paul!" ha ha ha ha"

Me: "whoa, really? i haven't seen him"

Friend: "check him out online one of these days..."

Instead of waiting for one of these days, I googled him right away. The resemblance is uncanny...the only difference is the eyebrows (insert sarcasm) ;) buwhahahaha.

Hmm, fakkinating indeed.

sleepless in daly city

2006-02-12T19:17:00.000-08:00

Don't know why, but for whatever reason, I can't sleep just by lying on my back anymore. The only way I can get some zzz's is when I lie on my side, the left in particular. My problem with this is that both my shoulder and hip hurts (insert fake crying here). I'm not happy that it's come to this (fake tears), and I only noticed the frequency of this habit since coming back from Houston a few weeks ago. I'm also thinking a reason might be the fact that I'm sick this past week, and that perpetuated the madness (fake sob). My shoulders hurt (fake cry).

car resume

2006-02-10T18:38:00.000-08:00

Not only do I know how to change a flat tire on cars (which really impresses a whole lot of people - I changed both Pastris and Bancy's, Angel's, rental cars in San Diego and Houston), I also now know how to fix a burnt out headlight bulb. Angel now has two functioning "eyes" again. Her passenger side light went dark two or three days ago; it was such a bummer.

It's amazing how so much light generates from such a tiny bulb, with a little help from the reflectors in the headlamp.

bonfire of the ocean beach

2006-02-09T23:09:00.000-08:00

Class let out early. The air outside felt cool, crisp, clean, and utterly refreshing, especially since we couldn't manage to open any windows in the classroom, and thus it felt like a sauna up in there. The moonlight inspired me to take a night drive to Ocean Beach, and sit under the stars and hear the waves crash. I also thought the ocean air might help get rid of my cough.

LGN mentioned on my last day at work, while we lunched at Beach Chalet, that on summer nights a good number of bonfires lines up the sand on OC, so seeing it myself on a February night surprised me. It was beautiful and magical, and that's only because I viewed it from a distance. Not knowing who or what each of these people's story and their reason for bonfiring added so much allure to the evening. I thought they must be college kids getting high, or some lovers on a double date, or a parent and a kid, or _____.

I felt left out because it seemed that all the folks that hung out at the beach had at least one other person to share the moment with. There I was all alone and jealous. Flashback to every other special moment where I was alone, like the European trip at 19 years old. All the other tourists belonged to groups, or traveled with a friend. Oh how I yearned to find a partner or friend to actually do activities with. But I'm a loner by choice anyhow, but still.

This group of friends made the most of the evening...jumping over the fire with a running start. Oh the bonding. If I could just gather the people that I want to share things like this with, and they'd want to experience it also...awesome.

electric slide

2006-02-05T10:47:00.000-08:00

Drove up to Elk Grove because Roomie and I watched "Little Shop of Horrors" in Sacramento. I've only seen bits and pieces of the movie on tv, and I thought it was too disturbing to watch, so it took some urging (anniversary) from Roomie to finally go see the live version. I wound up enjoying the show and the great music.

After the show, we planned to go drinking with some friends, but I complained since Friday night that I'm under the weather, so during intermission, Roomie called AGJr. and cancelled the aftershow "par-tay."

No surprise that Roomie just wanted to "drive by" the area where this particular club was located, which was very close to the theater anyway. No surprise that Roomie parked the car so we could get a closer look at the establishment and just walk by to see what it's like. No surprise that Roomie "tossed a coin," so if the cover was too much, we won't go. No surprise that I convinved him that he really wanted to go in, so we did.

"Pha-chess," (my Italian pronounciation for the body area that's on the front of the head where you can locate your eyes, nose, mouth, etc.) supposedly caters to a certain group of "folks that practice an alternative lifestyle," or FTPAAL. But it felt so comfortable inside because we found all shapes, sizes, ages of FTPAAL's. Made sense because Sacramento only offers a few hangouts where FTPAALs can gather. There were cowboys, club kids, hip hop, Asian, mature, men, women, trannys, "traditional couples," every type of person under the sun.

I didn't feel 100%, but once I saw them folks start the electric slide, I dragged Roomie on to the dancefloor!

sail

2006-02-04T00:39:00.000-08:00

Been listening to this awesome cd the last couple of weeks called "Sail" by Leila Florentino. It's intimate, keeps me company when I get home, all alone in my humble little studio apartment. She's got a unique voice and I'm totally mesmerized.

reunion

2006-02-03T22:39:00.000-08:00

Amazed at just how many folks I ran into today: Ayana, Mary-Lee, Xtina, Melanie, Mike L., Dian, Michelle, Emiliano, Maria, Tonny, Patty, Arnon, Sean, and Strawberry Girl. I mean, yeah, some from the list were in the class I attempted to add, but still. Guess this is what happens when one goes to school full-time, you run into more people more often. Funzies.

school started

2006-02-02T00:34:00.000-08:00

I'm unemployed and focusing on finishing my degree, the bulk of the remaining classes taken this semester, before I'd need to find another job again. Already, challenges came up to greet me, but they're regular challenges like the difficulties of attempting to crash and add classes, which weren't successful. I still have three days left to finalize which class(es) I'll stick with for the whole semester. In any case, I'm taking a full load, and with this new "freedom" of not working, I'm taking classes in the middle of the day. But one of these classes, the Biology lab, is filled with 18-19 year-old freshmen, so talk about feeling out of place, that'd be me. Ugh, teenyboppers galore! I feel soooo old.

i ate texas!

2006-01-31T20:29:00.000-08:00

January 26 marked the first time in over two years that I boarded an airplane, destination: Houston. The reason: for an unfortunate event, the viewing and memorial service for my first cousin, Virma, who passed away January 20, of "natural causes." No one knows the real cause, but many suspect cancer, and she's suffered from different ailments all her 49 years. Some results are scheduled to arrive this week from tests she took before passing away.

Death is a weird thing. I saw Virma's body in the coffin, and for a long time, during the whole time we spent at the funeral home, I kept glancing over where she lay, and kept thinking that her chest would start to move up and down or that she'll eventually wake and get up. I can't remember the last time that I attended a funeral, especially for someone so close. Other relatives passed away over the years, but they were either abroad or in other states and I couldn't make it to say good-bye in person. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was experiencing this final good-bye to my cousin. I'm glad I went, to say bye, and to help comfort her siblings. Rest in Peace, Manang Virma.

The rest of the time was spent with meeting and re-meeting real blood relatives that I haven't seen since I was a child. My "skills" at keeping up with the different branches of the famiy tree don't compare to most others in our clan who know every single person and their life history. I constantly asked my parents who's who and how we're related, there's too many to remember, and some of these folks aren't those notorious stereotypical Giliginich "aunties" or "uncles," the folks you address as such, but aren't blood related to you.

Houston is a place where it takes about 30-45 minutes to get to anywhere, and that's on the highways! Folks I talked to weren't kidding when they said that the city is spread out. We arrived at Hobby Airport, at the south end, and the hotel where my parents stayed at was all the way on the northern side of the city, because it's closer to where my cousin and her family live. The hotel/motel was Comfort Suites, and they provided continental breakfast that included a make-your-own texas-shaped waffle!

On Saturday, it rained. The manly-man rain that lasted for hours excited me. Again, that's real rain, not like the wimpy ones out here in the Bay Area. However, some of our plans to go sightseeing at several different venues changed slightly, so that the places we would visited included a roof. Also, driving in such rain proved a little difficult at times; the rain just fell so hard, and we drove all over the place.

I called my former marathon runningmate and former Houston resident, Hennifer, to ask for "what's there to do in Houston," and she suggested to visit "The Galleria," an indoor mall with an ice rink and higher-end shops. I wasn't in a shopping mood, but wanted to see the place anyhow. Then for dinner, we scarfed down tons of food at a Chinese Buffet. The food in Houston's a little cheaper than in the Bay Area, and I was told that tax is only something like 2%, amazing!

I never thought that I'd make my way to Texas, since I have superficial issues with a couple of people who came from that state. Texans do have so much pride in their state; a lot of SUVS have those metal Texas-shaped decorations on the back. I mean you don't see California-shaped, or New York-shaped metal things on cars. I wonder if I'll ever go back. My father wants to buy land down there to start up a farm. We'll see about that.

a new day has come

2006-01-23T10:49:00.000-08:00

It's a little before 11am on Monday morning. While the rest of the almost everyone is at work, I'm here in Elk Grove, still in my jammies, chilling out. It's a beautiful day out, the sun's shining, oh how I can't wait to go out there. This is the longest I've stayed in EG. Arrived late Friday night, and will leave sometime later this afternoon. Gotta soak in as much of my "freedom" for the next week, before the madness really starts.

Received a couple of emails from former colleagues and made sure I replied right away, because otherwise, with my track record for communicating, we'll definitely lose contact. Yeah, I'm really bad at keeping in touch, should've made that one of my New Year's resolutions.

Now I'll eat my breakfast and prepare for my day.

it was really lucky

2006-01-22T19:26:00.000-08:00

Surprisingly AWESOME and funny!

Bancy told me that I may like this movie. I didn't want to see it at first, but temptation faced me at Costco today when they sold it for $12.99. Impulsive buying, so I told myself, noooooo!

A few minutes later, Roomie and I stopped by Blockbuster Video where they offer pre-viewed DVDS at a sale price; 3 for $25. It was really lucky that they had two copies of "Confessions" and so I grabbed one, also grabbed "Million Dollar Baby," and "Connie and Carla," which my sister recommended. I'm afraid to see "Baby" because I heard it's super depressing. I'm drawn to more light-hearted flicks, but not fluff. I mean I love my drama too, but for a day like today, light-hearted was the way to go. That Lindsay Lohan is one talented gal. She looked good before her current real-life dramas made her look like a skeleton.

This French flick, that Roomie rented, brought some grit, drama, and violence to the afternoon. Warning: dog lovers should avoid this movie at all costs. Talk about heartwrenching, a story about three brothers finding their way.

so long, suckas!

2006-01-20T23:48:00.000-08:00

My last day at work, and I knew I had tons of work ahead, things to finish up, incriminating evidence to shred, phone calls to cut ties, good-bye emails, and all the other fun stuff.

My boss "Linda" comes in my office as soon as I arrive and waits for me to get off the phone: "So what will you do the next few weeks. It'd be great if you could help us out on a temporary part-time basis, just to finish off these things that you do that no one else can do." I replied with: "I've got a lot of personal things to take care of before school starts, so I'll have to think about it."

So now you want me to stay..."now you're interested ha?! Intriggggued, even?" It's a little late, it's my last day for Pete's sake. All the exit work's gone full steam ahead. If you'd asked me to stay a few weeks ago, things may have turned out a little differently. I've made other plans already.

LGN took me and "Beef" to lunch at Beach Chalet. The gorgeous weather blessed us: nippy air, great visibility out into the ocean, the clouds cowered way in the distance, beautiful waves. My burger was delicious. Oh and dessert, called a Chocolate Sandcastle, makes me drool like Homer Simpson.

Later in the afternoon, my colleagues gave me a warm send-off with a little gathering. I always feel awkward when I'm the center of attention like that. I think some people felt genuinely sad as they said goodbye. I'm touched.

I wound up staying until 9:30pm because like I said, I had to search for and destroy any incriminating evidence against me. Shred shred shred.

It didn't feel like it's over. Perhaps it's because I'll be so close to the office almost everyday when classes begin, or even worse, that I'll somehow come back to work there. I know for sure that my phone will ring off the hook come Monday, when Noralay or Linda ask where this or that is, or how to do this, etc. Ugh, perish the thought.

As for now, I'm a free man!

ONE MORE DAY!

2006-01-19T10:39:00.000-08:00

Til I flee from this hellhole called work.

the farewell tour

2006-01-17T23:28:00.000-08:00

I started my farewell tour of lunching today. The next three lunches, for the remainder of this week, were booked in advance since last week; smart move by those who wanted to secure a date before I depart from that place.

Bancy treated me to Cafe Durango last Friday, well I'm sure she felt her arm was twisted into the situation, but it's so like us to make her pay for my meal. Ahhh, will miss these lunch dates with her.

I was surprised she didn't call to ask me what I planned to do for lunch today. Just as well, she irritated me because she irritated some maintenance men who came by several times a few days before to fix the broken heater that "someone" kept complaining about but was never in her office (in her own defense: because of "meetings") to let the guys come in and do their job. My lack of eating breakfast most of last week and now seemingly this week puts me in dangerous alert of extreme moodiness and bitchiness at around 11am. So to fix all that, I confronted her right before taking off for lunch and told her to her face that she irritated me. After I got that off my chest, I let her drive me around to get lunch. What a sweetheart.

I'm sure it was my turn to irritate Bancy late in the afternoon because I didn't know how to reply to an email one of my other colleagues sent to me, asking if I was available to lunch with him and "a few others" in one of the remaining days before I leave from that place forever. So I called her phone several times reading a variation of possible diplomatic, yet heartfelt sorry responses. It's not like I can take a rain check. I wanted to include some humor to the reply with "sorry I can't lunch with y'all, but I'll just take the cash," to which she advised, "maybe not."

Anyhoo, the whole "this is my last week" hasn't sunk in yet. There's lots of work to do before I leave, so I'm a little freaked out about all of that. But freaking out about wanting to leave the work in the right hands or finishing everything defeats the purpose of me sticking it to the man. Oh I'm torn.

mural

2006-01-17T00:41:00.000-08:00

Ran into this mural on Church St./15th St. while on the way to brunch at Crepevine. Good thing ChieChie saw it. I didn't read the little story or description about it, but it's a timeline of the happenings on Market St. from early 1900's to some not-so-distant future. Fascinating.

on the waterfront

2006-01-15T23:06:00.000-08:00

Roomie wanted to eat lunch at Slanted Door down at the Ferry Building. He got agitated due to hunger so we hurried down to the Embarcadero. We searched for the restaurant, but instead ran into a couple of his old friends and chatted it up for about fifteen minutes or so. Guess his friends made his hunger dissipate for a bit.

We couldn't find Slanted Door, so we decided to eat Japanese instead after I saw a man chowing down on something that looked like katsu or potato croquette. The food at Delica rf-1 tasted very delicious. I ordered organic butternut squash soap and just about one of each of their fried items: potato croquette, pork katsu, chicken ball something, and shrimp ball. Some tasted better than others, but the food did its job.

We walked around and explored some of the other stores and shops. Got dessert from Ciao Bella Gelato...yummy. The renovation of the ferry building looks great. I can't remember how it looked before, but the scenery impressed us both. Roomie kept saying how chichi it was there, and the place was packed! Not overcrowded, thank goodness, but a healthy amount of bodies. Even though the air felt so cold, it was a beautiful day nonetheless. I still am on a mission to find that 100% cotton scarf and beanie. A craft vendor across the street on Justin Herman Plaza didn't have any, just wool and acrylic. Sigh.

Later in the evening, we returned to the Embarcadero to dine with a friend for his birthday at La Suite, a "modern French cuisine gem from the Chez Papa, Maman, and Baraka team." Talk about chichi. We enjoyed the benefits of Dine About Town.

so far

2006-01-15T01:08:00.000-08:00

I think I'm making somewhat good use with my vacation time from school. I mean I do cringe everytime I think about it, but at the same time I also feel super guilty that I'm not working on anything graphic related. I swear I experienced burnout in the fall. My main problem was that I forgot my purpose for going to school: to learn graphic design. Instead, I did what I swore I wouldn't do: get involved with my classmates and making friendships with them a priority rather than focusing on the projects. I mean it's important to network, especially since almost every instructor places importance on that skill. But getting caught up with other people's drama isn't really networking. I need to go back to the drawing board and figure myself out again, and hopefully emerge with renewed focus, creativity, strength and motivation.
******************

Knocked off another movie off my list, "The Turning Point," on VHS that I bought from Amazon years ago. I finally unwrapped it and forced myself to watch it as I ate brunch.
******************

Found myself in a weird mood late this afternoon. I knew that I needed to run some errands, but I dilly-dallied and felt the effects of cooped-up-in-the-apartment syndrome. While talking to Roomie on the phone, my mood changed from pleasant (as if) to agitation.

I wound up driving, just driving on a somewhat quiet road to get away. Driving just for fun in lieu of driving to a predetermined destination is ten times better, especially when the road isn't littered with many other cars.

"you are the bitch i always wanted to be"

2006-01-14T00:55:00.000-08:00

Luckily caught an episode of "Girlfiends" as part of my late Friday night. How come I didn't discover this show long before? How come I didn't listen to Pastris when she raved about it so many years ago and didn't believe her when she said I'd like it? How come before, when I'd catch it accidentally and laughed out loud that I didn't pay attention to its regular schedule (Mondays @ 9pm on UPN)?

reality begins

2006-01-13T20:10:00.000-08:00

Last night, looking around my small studio apartment, the thought crept in: "How am I going to keep this place? Rent? How can the bills get paid?"

Today was goodbye to fee waiver day. Goodbye to free tuition. I'm officially a "starving student" now, right after writing that $1561 check out for tuition.

The week before school starts, I hit the pavement lookin for another job. Temp agencies, here I come. Or maybe Starbucks.

rubi wednesday

2006-01-12T00:45:00.000-08:00

Finally finished the last morsel of "Rubi." Last night was about the end of the telenovela, tonight was about the rest of the special features. I must say I felt a little disappointed, disturbed with how the series ended. The synopsis I found on Amazon was written for the original 1968 version, so luckily, some surprises in this new version were left for my viewing pleasure, or disturbance.

I had great fun talking on the phone with a friend of mine while at work. I assumed a telenovela character's mannerisms and all other ism's I could remember. It took my friend by surprise, but I think he was amused. Mission accomplished. Telenovelas are a drama queen's dream.

cry me a river

2006-01-11T19:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I finally started telling folks at work that I submitted my resignation. When I mentioned it to the lady that I can't stand, all of a sudden we got a little sentimental and something came over me that I felt like bawling. I especially choked up when I said "It's been great working with you all these years." I ran out of her office as fast as I could. I wonder if she suspected.

take the plunge

2006-01-09T23:42:00.000-08:00

First thing I did when at work this morning: submitted my resignation. The heater in my office didn't work; big surprise, since it's the middle of winter. My nervousness and hypothermia and my boss "Linda's" rushing off to a meeting didn't allow me to relax when I had my "talk" with her. I just said something to the effect of: "I'm leaving; I'm concentrating/focusing on school." Her responses were something like: "Bummer; shoot; well I completely understand you want to pursue your studies; you've certainly made yourself indispensable; ok."

My shock I think still continues up to now. I shredded a ton of stuff, and took home some of my HTML books and knick-knacks, mementos of brighter days. My last day at the office is January 20.

I always feel weird after I resign. I don't know whether to rub it in people's faces or not say anything, or celebrate or what. All that "goodbye" attention feels foreign. Goodbyes are definitely not my forte.

During the first week after school let out, I watched "Amelie," where the ending basically said to go after your dreams. In "March of the Penguins," all the chicks naturally had to take the plunge when the time came. My time is now to take the plunge.

Now I'll look for a part time job through a temp agency. I'll finish my degree at SFSU and move to Sacramento afterwards.

"March of the Penguins" by the way is a fantastic movie. I love how cute penguins are. They're awesome. Almost every minute I watched the DVD, I kept wanting one as a pet/companion; they're so huggable and adorable. But the fascination only comes in small doses. A whole movie and special features devoted to the cute critters probably made me o.d.

the last three weeks

2006-01-07T21:12:00.000-08:00

I stopped blogging because when I detoxed, I guess part of that process was staying away from the computer. I closely associated my blogging and reading other blogs with me venting or needing to escape from my stress and other negativity that the horrible fall semester brought. I wound up with a stupid B+ from GD III. hateful, annoyed, angry.

I watched a few DVDs; I finally saw "Xanadu," a trippy movie...1980 at its best! Maybe the best way to enjoy this movie was to experience it in an altered state. There's always a next time! My sister in Arizona borrowed it when she went back, so I'll have to wait for that opportunity. The only reason why I bought the DVD: to see how the song "Magic" by Olivia appears in its natural environment. That's one of my karaoke standards everytime I go to Do Re Mi karaoke rooms in Japantown.

On December 23, the governor let us state employees out at noon, so Bancy, her friend, Roomie, and I watched "Brokeback Mountain." I didn't see what the big deal was, I mean yeah, Heath Ledger did a really great job with his role, but the perhaps the theatre we watched it in didn't have the best sound because I could barely understand anything they said. He mumbled his lines all throughout the film. Thank goodness his acting and body language allowed me to somewhat understand what happened on the screen.

Later on that evening, Roomie and I saw "Transamerica," with Felicity Huffman and Kevin Zegers, a Canadian actor (I'm seeing or discovering more and more folks in the entertainment business from Canada, what's up with that?). We originally intended to see "Brokeback" at another theatre with a better sound system, but we left ourselves open to other possibilities. I enjoyed this movie a lot more, as I connected with it because it was funny. Ms. Huffman did a fantastic job with her character, a transexual. Actually the other members of the cast delivered also. I do recommend this flick. I wanted to see it again, actually.

The day before we saw these movies, when the rain came down heavily. I exclaimed to Bancy that the rain feels so cool only when you're wearing the right gear, like the shoes. I felt so giddy when we went out to lunch, I felt like breaking into "Singin' in the Rain;" I actually did a couple of turns or Gene Kelly moves while walking on the sidewalk.

today

2006-01-07T20:53:00.000-08:00

Well really early this morning, I went to bed at 3:30am because I watched the special features of "March of the Penguins." The night before was another one of those where I take a supposed 90 minute nap at 7pm only to wake up at 8am the next morning, so I felt ok to sleep so late. I couldn't sleep, and finally, about an hour later when I did fall asleep, my cell phone rings and after fumbling with it and picking it up from the floor, it's Roomie on the other end informing me that their flight from London changed and they'll arrive a few hours earlier. Ok, great, thanks for the info. Then I couldn't fall back to sleep, but then woke up at 11am.

I spent the afternoon watching "Rubi," the spanish telenovela on DVD Pastris gave me for Christmas. Played by the gorgeous Barbara Mori, the protagonist is a gold-digging superbitch who gave up love to marry money and the all the people she's involved with. There's not just a love triangle, but a whole spider-web of intrigue and loves gained, lost, gained again, and lost again. It's getting juicier. I finally finished the second side of the first disc. Two more two-sided discs to go! It's super-dramatic. Unfortunately, while I went to Amazon to grab this photo, I read the synopsis and found out the ending. Whaaaaaaaaa

Watching each disc is very dangerous because I'm glued to the tv. I mean I missed an appointment the first time I watched because I couldn't dare look away in the middle of it, and today, I almost missed picking up Roomie from the airport! Apparently, telenovelas are like soap operas that run for only a few months, and what they did to compile the DVD set is edited a whole bunch so that some of the details might be missing, according to Pastris. Characters appear out of nowhere that already are part of the storyline, but their purpose comes to light later on. There's so much drama in these people's lives, it's amazing. You laugh, you cry, you love, you hate...Rubi takes you everywhere!

detox day 1

2005-12-17T23:47:00.000-08:00

I instinctively woke up at around 8:30am, but decided to sleep a little longer, so I got out of bed at almost 11. Part of my relaxation treatment this weekend was to basically lazy it up, which is exactly what I did. I lazied it up too much that I missed going to the post office before they closed to pick up a package.

I did wake up to find a line of marching ants from somewhere to a butter knife and fork that I inadvertently left on the sink unwashed. So after getting Angel's oil changed, I grabbed the bottle of Avon Skin-So-Soft that I left at work to fix the ant problem. That product really takes care of a lot of insect issues; it acts like mosquito repellent and ant "repellent" also.

The rain fell constantly, and to my surprise, the drive to Elk Grove took a little less time than I anticipated, I maded it at around 2 1/2 hours. The drive gave me tight shoulders, a headache, pangs of hunger, and it took a lot of strength and attention to prevent my eyelids from shutting.

Luckily, Roomie ordered chinese takeout, and I scarfed down right when I arrived.

Oh how I missed the karaoke, but it took me a while to feel comfortable singing again, even with just Roomie in the room. I felt shy at first, and never really "found my voice. Roomie produced several perfect scores, while I averaged 98 for the evening.

I'm doing about four loads of laundry this weekend, it's about three-four weeks worth, so it's not a 100% relaxing weekend, there's chores to do.

bitch! bastard! pills! hamburger pills!

2005-12-17T01:04:00.000-08:00

It's late but I just finished watching Stanley Donen's lovely film called "Two For The Road," starring Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney. It's basically a love story about a married couple's journeys literally on the road and through the highs and lows of their volatile relationship. Released in 1966 and nominated for a couple of oscars the following year, the movie shows "flashbacks" of various times in the relationship and how those memories relate to their present time, or how the flashback relates to another flashback; think Kill Bill

The movie was one of the rewards to myself for finally finishing the worst semester ever. I really almost gave up at the last minute. I didn't think I could make it to class with an unfinished project: branding identity with packaging for a cd containing a digital representation of our portfolio. I thought to myself to just fuck it, but then I thought about how much lower my grade would go down if I missed today...sucks to be me. I chose to sleep, well I really couldn't think anymore the previous night, too tired. I toughed it out though, finishing as much as I could right when class started. My presentation went out like a thud, but I don't think I cared too much about it anymore.

I drove Tonny home, since we brought home our posters, and Tonny's still on crutches, so I got my good samaritan brownie points for the day.

The other rewards I gave myself tonight:
1. Dinner from Ono's Hawaiian BBQ: Loco Moco and Spam Musubi - YUMMERS!
2. Watched "Team America World Police." That movie was disappointing. I only laughed a couple of times. Other people hyped it up too much. I watched that before watching "Two For The Road."
3. Didn't go on the computer all night, except to post this blog.

Back to "Two For The Road," I first saw the movie back in 1996 because my Audrey Obsessed friend Samray told me to watch it. He introduced me to the music from the film, so I figured I should see the source of the fine Henry Mancini music. I gave a copy of the DVD to my sis in AZ when she visited for Thanksgiving. I should ask if she's watched it yet. I didn't enjoy the film when I originally saw it; I just didn't get it.

Now that my relationship is almost nine years old, I can totally relate to the characters' 12-year old journeys together. I now appreciate the movie and the dynamics of it. Albert Finney and Audrey Hepburn give superb performances. My cheeks hurt a little bit because I think I had a smile for most of the 110 minutes watching. What a fantastic way to end the semester!

scooooooooore

2005-12-14T23:52:00.000-08:00

Full moon's tomorrow night. It's exciting. I refuse to stay up late tonight to work on my final project for Friday's class. I'm gonna treat me to some beautiful sleep. SG and I had a funny conversation about my relationship with sleep earlier today; those were some good times.

So tonight was the final day for the history class. For some reason, my powerpoint presentation on graphic designer Jennifer Sterling got all screwy. The white background turned black, so you couldn't see the bullet points and any other text. Oh well, I think I did well for the speaking part at least. I wasn't nervous and shaking as anticipated, and made eye contact with some members of my audience who actually paid attention. Most importantly, I don't think I stuttered that much. Even the Sheenster helped me to relax by raising her hand as if to ask a question...good thing she sat way in the back.

I think feeling extremely tired the whole day is like a drug for me, because that also helped me to relax for the presentation.

Work's crazy as usual, they keep handing me work that's due in like a minute or yesterday...those fools.

The session with my therapist was pretty good. I babbled mostly about events from the last two weeks or so, the craziness with decision-making, or lack thereof, and the stress from both work and school. She was pretty cool and told me to take it easy this weekend, to detox from the madness, and then think more about decisions on Monday. I'm totally down with that. Focus on your priorities for this week, she said. That meant focus on just school. She was even concerned about me not getting any sleep. She did make me wait for about fifteen mintues before seeing though. I wasn't too pleased with that. I mean if you're gonna have me come in at 9am, make sure to meet me at 9am.

tiiiight, argh

2005-12-12T18:35:00.000-08:00

My shoulders are so freakin tight right now, it's almost unbearable. I think what happened is I moved my laptop to a higher table this weekend so I could spread out my notes for the final I took online. So my ergonomics went down the tube, well not that I had good home ergonomics to begin with.

So the height difference coupled with stress is doing a big number on my back and neck and trapezius (that's very clinical of me; insert coy smile here). I'm thinking about calling my former classmate turned masseur for a massage tomorrow. Damn, I really don't want to shell out $70 in these hard times.

Beauty Bath, where are you to take me away????? You know Corazon Aquino's not the only one who needs you right now.

Well one more thing was lifted off my shoulders today, when I talked to the boss about considering me working part time during spring semester. She said she'll think about it, but it's really up to another boss who we haven't hired yet that'll oversee the sub-department where I'm possibly going, to make the final decision. So now this means I gotta wait til the end of January to find out my fate.

One more thing was lifted, but I think my inability to finish, er, start my research paper last night took me back one day, so am I screwed? We'll see.

it's scrunchy time

2005-12-11T19:36:00.000-08:00

I'm dreading this week. Thank goodness I just finished my online final, so that's one less nerve-wracking thing I need to stress out about.

1. Talk to boss about the possibility of me working part-time come spring semester so I could take three or four (yowza) classes. I think I can survive with 20 hours of work pay, but perhaps I'll ask for 25. If she doesn't allow that, then I'll need to refine plan B and C.

2. I need to write up my research paper on designer/typographer Jennifer Sterling tonight, so I can put the Powerpoint presentation together by tomorrow.

3. The Powerpoint presentation on Jennifer Sterling is Wednesday night, and I'm totally nervous. For some reason, speaking in front of that class makes me nervous.

4. For Graphic Design III: produce my own brand identity (logo, business card), produce a portfolio, produce cd packaging for resume and cd portfolio.

It's crazy, but I actually thought to myself today: "Go out with a bang. This is your last week of school, so put in a couple of all-nighters for good measure and do homework real late."

I really just want to finish the semester. It's the toughest so far. Beauty Bath, take me away! Ha!

what gives?

2005-12-07T09:59:00.000-08:00

More signs? Here's my Aries horoscope for today:

"A bit of panic may settle in today when you realize what you've created. You are still in an expansive phase, but if you've over-committed yourself financially, emotionally or energetically, you might have to reconsider your choices. Self-questioning is okay, but don't make any final decisions until next week."

missing you

2005-12-06T23:16:00.000-08:00

All day today, I kept thinking that I'll miss this one person a whole lot. I didn't expect this.

hole

2005-12-06T20:40:00.000-08:00

I really hate myself for letting myself go, I mean jumping on the Capitalistic bandwagon of owing money. It started way back in 1997, when I transferred to another department at Wells Fargo and I saw so many people in debt. I thought, wow, that's the American Way, so it's ok to spend money I don't have.

I'm still paying for all my mistakes from all these years. It's the main reason for shithole I'm in now. Going back to school no longer is in my terms. I would never have even thought of Sac State. Now I won't get my degree from SFSU. I'm still saddened by the circumstances. Oh well, live and learn as they say. I'll basically feel sorry for myself for as long as I can, I'm like thatch.

On a brighter note, how many times can I gush about the amount of eye candy at Westlake Trader Joes? Too bad they ran out of Tiramisu Gelato, so I got plain chocolate gelato, but that's still yummylicious. Damn, I'll miss all that eye candy too.

i left my gateau in san francisco

2005-12-06T00:02:00.000-08:00

So it looks like i'll move to Elk Grove and go to school at Sacramento State.

Last night, I asked for a sign to help me make up my mind as to what direction I should take my life, due to the urgency of my situation at work: how I hate working there; it's distracting to my studies; the people I work with suck; and all the other ek-ek.

Scenario A) I asked, if someone gave me a rosary - I originally asked for applie pie, for A, but the rosary is a more obscure item - I would work part-time (I needed to ask permission first) at my current hated job, go to school full time, take out a loan to help pay for things, and "Special Someone" would help with the loose ends.

Scenario B) I asked, if someone gave me a Balloon, I would quit my job and find another part-time job, go to school full-time, take out a loan, etc.

Scenario C) I asked, if someone gave me a Cake, I would move to Elk Grove, study at Sac State, find some part-time job, live with "SS," rent free, who would also help with tuition. I guess I'd still get a loan just in case.

So after work tonight, I met up with a few folks from my history class for a study group. One of the girls took out around eight plastic sandwich bags with red stuff inside. I thought it was red clay for a project, it turns out she brough velvet CAKE! I thought, hmmm, this is interesting, what's she gonna do with all that cake? I didn't want to assume that she brought it to give to us, but another girl confirmed that she did bring it to give to us.

So there's my sign...amazing.

I don't mind giving up my job, but people will think I'm crazy to give up pretty good CSU benefits: health insurance, free tuition (but it's difficult to take advantage of it because most of my classes are in the daytime and they give you such a hard time for skipping out on work in the middle of the day, and now look at me doing both work and school and going extremely crazy), and I'm one year away from fully vesting that would give me a good pension when I retire. I'm giving up so much.

I'll miss SFSU terribly, I'll miss SF terribly, I'll miss my friends terribly, I'll miss my program terribly, and I'll miss living alone and being king of my own castle terribly.

I'll basically start over at Sac State because they're design program is impacted. But I guess you gotta do what...

I'll cry myself to sleep tonight.
***************************
Roomie stayed at the Hyatt Embarcadero because he and some colleagues attended a conference, so I went to visit. The hotel hung lights for Christmas; I was mesmerized.

the village

2005-12-04T14:09:00.000-08:00

The morning started with me allotting a few hours to finally watch the DVD of M. Night Shyamalan's "The Village." I figured watching it in the daytime would lessen the fear factor. I did scream embarrassingly at one point, mostly because of surprise at that one scary part.

Some folks said the movie has a freaky ending, but I felt a little let down at the end. I thought "freaky" meant something a little more spectacular. I did love the romantic element of the movie, especially with the whole hand-holding aspect. Those two actors made it so believable.

The powerful quality of the ensemble impressed me very much, I mean as one of the associate producers said, they cast Tony and Academy Award nominees and winners in the film.

It's sorta strange though, anytime I watch a movie in the middle of the day, I feel like my day's over, because of the emotional journey some films take me through. I'm spent! But I'm glad I finally watched it.

painting the town

2005-12-03T21:54:00.000-08:00

I needed to satisfy a couple of write-ups of design exhibits or lectures for both my classes; one for extra credit, the other a requirement. So I headed downtown via BART (I knew driving downtown in the middle of the holiday shopping mess would get crazy).

Had such a fun time. After visiting my first gallery on Sutter St., I headed down Powell to visit my friend who works at H&M. On my way down, I saw one of those street performers who dress up head-to-toe in either silver or gold. This one reminded me of a C3-PO/stormtrooper/Princess Leia all in one.

I encountered great difficulty finding my friend at H&M, as a mass of shoppers flooded the floors, and none of the employees there didn't know who she was; I asked about six people that work there before someone finally knew who she was and which section she works in. I bought two pairs of trunks or I think they're boxer briefs.

I got camera crazy the rest of the time:

Roomie met up with me at the SFMOMA:

Roomie then went on to hook up with friends for dinner and I went home. On the way, I found out about this new alley between the Marriott and St. Patrick's on Mission Street that ended up to Market Street. I haven't been to these parts in a long time, so I was surprised.

I got home really hungry so I munched on some Trader Joe's chips and Tiramisu Gelato that I just discovered last night. Talk about heaven in your mouth, this one tastes like it too. YUMMM-EEEEE!

something's gonna give

2005-12-02T23:31:00.000-08:00

So Roomie finally called and now I'm a lot more calm, but still terribly bummed and down.

Roomie said the offer to live "discounted rent" in Elk Grove still stands, but my proposal to take one semester off before transferring to Sacramento State and the possibility of not working didn't fly. He said I just can't sit in the house all day long, I either had to find a job or go to school.

Another option presented to me was to live in his house in Oakland with his mother and brother, also "discounted rent," if I wanted to stay at San Francisco State. Transferring to Sac State's design program isn't the better solution because it's impacted and I'd need a kick-ass portfolio for consideration into the program. The other thing about Sac State is that my classes from SF won't transfer over, I'd need to basically start over; that's what one of their department reps told me.

If I chose either place, I'd need to find me a part-time job, an internship, a student assistant job, or anything to help me pay off my scum-sucking pig credit card bills and daily expenses. Then I'll truly live the life of a starving student. Who knew? And another part of a deal is that I'd need to finish off school in one year.

So now I must make a huge decision this weekend, for I cannot stand to stay and work where I am now anymore. Stick it to the MAN! Or in my case, those power-bitches who run our department.

efffffff!

2005-12-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

I am so incredibly pissed off right now. My day was going pretty well, albeit I missed work this morning but i said I'd make up my hours after school.

Class was looong; the lecture topic was how to produce a portfolio, get a job, build a resume, etc. Things went ok until we got our grades for the last two projects: the book about journey and the infographic poster.

I vividly dreamt twice about me receiving my grade for the book project on a slip of paper and it showing B+ and reacting as if my whole world crumbled. Well the class ta first handed me the grade for the infographic poster, and it was better than I expected. Then she handed me the book grade and there it was: B fucking +. At that point my fire was extinguished, my wings clipped, my wind knocked from my sail, and my spirit died.

I'll have a chat with the instructor sometime next week, as many students qued up to talk with her after class.

Moments later, just as I said I would, I went in to work. I read tons of emails and one of them was the big boss basically saying I got in trouble for switching my schedule around and that a ton of new work was waiting for me to do by Monday, and one was due at 4pm today. WTF? She knew I had class and the fucker made it sound like I'm unreliable.

I know why I got in trouble too, it's because of our motherfucking office manager, who is a gossiping, shrivelled-up-like-a-prune witch, with huge knockers that hang down to her waist like Ms. Choksondik of South Park, and probably never got any dick in all her life, who should already been retired ten years ago. I know that passive-aggressive, back-stabbing bitch is out to get me. She puts on such a fake front and then talks trash behind your back. I don't know why everyone in the office bows down to her. Everyone just seems to play her game even though they complain about her too. It's quite strange. Ok yeah, maybe some of the shit I pull at work is all coming back to me, but that won't stop me from feeling pissed. And whatever, I'm supposed to have control of my feelings, but whatever.

karma

And now, Roomie is not answering either the home phone or the cell phone so I can vent some more! arrrggghhh!